The Do-Over...

I stopped in over at S30P to see what the writing prompt was for the week... The Do-Over. I had a few things that I wanted to say on the subject. I hope you enjoy...


I wish I could. I wish I could go back to June 2010 and have a “do over”.

What would I change?

I would change that phone conversation between her and I where we both admitted to each other the deepest darkest secret that any woman could admit to their friend. I would have said, no… we can’t go there. I would have never let our friendship take that turn instead I would have kept us on the right path. If we would have never had that conversation... if we would have never turned left… we might still be friends today.

I regret losing that friendship the way I did. My anger and hate towards her has consumed me over the last year. I will admit, I’ve wanted to hurt her feelings as much as she has hurt mine, and she will never realize exactly how much she hurt me. To say the things she has said about me and my family and then in the same breath tell someone that she misses me or “the person I used to be”. I had four years of my life invested with this person… four years, she knew me, I didn’t change… I just out grew the life she wanted me to live, which was hers. Our relationship took a wrong turn and then it spiraled down-hill and completely out of control.

I wonder sometimes if that phone conversation had gone differently what place we would be at today. Where would our lives be? No one knows. Maybe we would still talk, maybe not.

I know that I would love to have a “do-over” regarding the end of our friendship.

I should have never let the rumors and name calling get to me. I’m a better person than that. After countless times of being called names and my husband’s name being run through the mud, I should have been the bigger person and let it go. I didn’t. I lost all amount of trust in anyone that was close friends with her, but with good reason I later found out. Oh and now… now… now it has just gotten stupid. I assume it is all ended now… but I doubt it. I’m still hearing that my name is being thrown around. But I didn’t expect any less…

My “do over”… I would have never said anything, I would have been the bigger person and not let it get to me. I would have been the stronger person and not let my heart get broken by one of the only friends that I had completely trusted. I put my life in her hands and look where it got me.

I’m going to say this one time…  I hope that now it is over… now everyone can move on. I sincerely hope that I don’t hear anyone else tell me that you have talked about what a horrible person I am, it hurts to hear that. Yes, it makes me want to hurt your feelings… it’s all very “5th grade” behavior on both parts. I’m tired of all the pointless useless drama. So please… before you start to point out all my flaws and my faults, take a good long look in the mirror at yourself. Look at the things you have done in your life. Things you have done prior to our friendship, during our friendship, and even after we stopped speaking… and at that point when you look at yourself and the person you have become and you find that you have no flaws and faults… then and only then will you have earned the right to badmouth me or anyone else for that matter. From here on out I will never mention your name, our friendship, or your faults. In return, I ask one thing… you do the same. But if you have anything else bad to say about me… make sure you follow up with something about yourself.

So to you... I hope that you forgive me for everything. I give my sincere apology for the war that has played out in both of our lives over the last year. You hurt me, I hurt you. It has gone too far. I never thought that it would come to this or maybe I did... we know too much about each other and we are completely alike. Our vengeful nature to be on top of the game, to have the last word, has lead to a horrible and disastrous argument between the both of us. I step down and say... you win. I love you and I miss you. I wish you the best. You are a truely amazing person and I'm glad that I had the chance to know you.

John 8:7 (NIV) When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”