Rosie's Challenge - Day 3

30 Days of Truth... Rosie's Challenge - I decided to take up a 30 Day Challenge about myself. It will probably take more than 30 days to complete but I am willing to make the effort to get it done. Click here to get the list if you are interested in joining in... peace out yo!

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

That subject is too deep. I am really hard on myself. I need to learn how to forgive myself. The husband and I get into a fight... I beat myself up over it. He thinks that I just turn into super bitch but it really is more that I'm mad at myself and I don't know any other way to express it. I will beat myself up over it for days when we have a major fight. He doesn't really know that I am so disgusted with myself that it wears me out. I guess he will now.

Yes, I'm mean. Really mean... and I don't like it.So I have another appointment with my Doctor next month to find out the root of my anger and why I am so defensive.

My major problem is that... I never really let it go. I never forgive myself for being mean to him and lashing out. I've gotten better, but when it happens I will be in a horrible mood for the rest of the day and for a couple of days after that. I tell him it's his fault but it's really mine. I withdraw because I am ashamed. I don't feel like being romantic or anything. I just want to be left alone and he does not understand it. And I'm serious when I say it wears me out. I am physically and mentally exhausted. Couple that with two small kids, the fact that my house stays a wreck, and the senseless amount of stress I have to deal with from work... no wonder I am cranky.

So I just need to be able to forgive myself and say it's ok to be cranky now and then... and Buck (the Hubby) is there to help me, uplift me, and make me feel special and loved. I need to forgive myself and quit beating myself up over not being perfect.