Ever watched the show $&*! My Dad Says? Yeah, well that is my Pop in a nut shell, retired military, damn Yankee, etc. Shhh... don't tell anyone I'm half Yankee, it will ruin my persona of being a complete southern bitch. Anyhow, I have collected a list of Shit my Dad Says or also referred to as Pop'isms. This will be an ongoing list that I will add to over time. It's not that long right now, simply because these are the ones I remember the most. These can be used for any number of situations... enjoy.
1. Shit in one hand and want in the other... see which one gets full first. This has been lovingly cut down to Shit in one hand Really Dad.. REALLY? That's just gross.
2. If you don't like the fish, throw 'em back in the wagon an quit pokin' their eyes out. This one has been shortened as well to Quit pokin' their eyes out. You can only imagine the looks I got in public as a teenager when Pop would say this to me when I complained that I didn't like something.
3. What are they gonna do... take away your Birthday?
4. Well that's a load of crap. I'm sure that has been used several times by others, but always in good taste by my father.
5. No matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides to the bologna. Two sides to every story was too easy to say.
6. The only way to get what you want, is to help other people get what they want. Simply the golden rule modified.
7. Lack of preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
8. When my sister and I would whine and cry about not getting our way we always got louder and funnier which was adapted from my Pop's mother Effie. Pop now uses it with the grandchildren when they won't shut up.
9. I never realized just how much he used this phrase until I watched the 1989 home movie of our family Christmas make sure you read the instructions. Now that I think about it... he says that A LOT.
10. My $0.02 worth Pop is going to give you his opinion regardless if you want it or not... which leads us to
11. Sit down and Shut it - this is while he is giving you the $0.02 worth that you didn't want in the first place
12. Your gonna put a smile on your face and a song in your heart and get out there and.... this is after you have been told to sit down and shut it while he gives you his $0.02 worth and in the end, give you the answers that you really need, because he's just the best Dad ever.
13. And while you are happy in your little heart and warm in your cozy bed you get woke up at 6:00 a.m. (yes, a.m.) to the sounds of pipe organ music, the light switch flipping on in your dark bed room and just like an alarm clock he says in his most cheerful and annoying happy father sound TIME TO GET BRIGHT EYED AND BUSHY TAILED, GO WASH YOUR FACE KIDDO!!!
14. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out. No explanation needed.