It seems like literally everything in the last week has gone completely wrong in some form or fashion for me. With the constant divorce drama at home I don’t know which way to turn, right or wrong?
I had hoped that this divorce thing would go quickly now that we came to an agreement, but it seems as though it’s just getting worse. Now we are actually considering reconciling but to do that I’ve got to prove myself worthy… really? Either you want to be with me or not!
I really just don’t know what to do.
I love my husband completely and with all my heart. The last thing I envisioned when we got married is that eight years down the road we would be in this position. I didn’t get married to get a divorce. So I stand here begging him to reconsider and keep our family together, and he is brow beating me with a list of “done me wrongs” that I don’t have all the answers for. Yes, I screwed up… but you ain’t no Saint either honey. We both messed up and we both have to take responsibility for our actions. It almost kills me that he blames his faults all on me. I admit that I blame him for some of the things he has done wrong as well, but in all honesty… He did what he did because I didn’t do what I was supposed to do and the other way around.
What do I do?
I know that if I don’t give it a chance, if I don’t try I will always wonder “what it”, but on the other hand I don’t want to be back in the same position two or three years later down the road. I’m as confused as a bald man with a hair dryer. What am I doing? Are he and I ever going to reach a point if we reconcile that we will get to a point where we will get along? Will I ever stop having to prove myself to him? Will I stop feeling like he’s always hiding something from me? There are so many questions I have and I want the answers yesterday.
Showing posts with label husband. Show all posts
Showing posts with label husband. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Whoo-pee!
Ok, so you see a commercial for cold medicine... someone is sick, you see a commercial for hamburger helper... people are eating dinner, you see a commercial for tampons and there are two chicks playing tennis. There are just some things you don't talk about or you don't really want to deal with on T.V.
I don't like reality stuff and this commercial just got me... I guess if you are going to talk about it then do it, she did it in some what of a classy kind of way I guess? I don't know. When I finished watching it I was like .... seriously? I didn't really need to know that Whoopie is a wetter.
So lets talk about it... I know that 90% of women that have had kids understand completely what I'm talking about. If you didn't deal with it when you were pregnant, you are dealing with it post pregnancy, and if you aren't dealing with it at all... you need to go get checked because something is wrong. I understand that there are things out there to make us feel better about ourselves but I don't want to talk about it much less be reminded about my own problem with it while I'm hanging out with the husband watching the Golden Girls on lifetime. I just said that didn't I.... yep.
Ok, well maybe it is my fault that I even saw the commercial because I was watching lifetime at 10:00 last night looking for the kitchen peen.
anyway... it just hit me. I'm getting older. I will be 29+5 this year. This will be my last year to still feel like a kid. Next year I get to start all kinds of wonderful things that my Mother has Honestly, I know I'm getting old, I just don't want to be reminded of it when I'm hanging out in my wind suit pants, t-shirt, and house shoes while I'm devouring a bowl of Blue Bell Dutch Chocolate ice cream watching Lifetime or DIY Network.... I mean really.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
my biggest fear
fo reals yo... I can't believe it myself.. it's Saturday!
All week long I have woke up every morning at my bright and early 6:00 a.m. and then lay in bed till 6:30 because I just KNEW it really was Saturday and someone was playing a horrible trick on me. Nope... no such luck. But this morning... my dream dream came true! Ahhh... Saturday mornings.
Such days like this I wake up at 6:30 instead of 6:00, lay in the bed till 7:00 unless the husband is being SUPER sweet and full of love. Then I get to stay in bed till 8'ish. He was being super sweet this morning. I don't know what got into him but I'm sure he has some super secret plan to get out of the house today wit either his dad or one of his buddies for an extended period of time. As of right now he has been gone to the local Volunteer Fire Department for about... 30 minutes, with one of the guys. I love my husband.
Anyhow, so my time here with the girls and the computer has given me a moment to reflect on recent events and I just had to tell you about one of the things that frightens me the most, I know... beautiful Saturday morning and I'm going to get all morbid on your ass. Sorry about that. So here it goes...
The husband gets out of bed, puts on his jeans and boots that are always laid out at the end of the bed, kisses me bye, and heads out the door. Then I hear him on the radio as he pulls out of the driveway...
This is my dark hour, my time of complete grief, my husband is out there at a fire, doing God only knows what, and I have no idea where he is or what he is doing. He is a volunteer fire fighter in our community. He doesn't do it because he gets paid or has a fancy retirement or benefits, he does it because he loves it and he cares about the people in the community. The departments continue to talk on the radio but only on what they call talk around. It only has a short range so they don't clog up the radio with a bunch of traffic just in case there is another fire somewhere else in the county.
I was a volunteer several years ago, I drove and operated our fire truck, I loved it, but I saw the danger, I saw just how easily someone could get injured. Most of our volunteers are not trained, they just go when they are called.
So I sit... and wait... with that horrible sickening feeling in my stomach.... I feel the need to go throw up, but I know it won't do any good.... so I sit... and pray.... please God just bring him home safe... bring everyone home safe... please God put your arms around everyone involved... over and over
and then out of the darkness...
Its over...
I hear everyone check back in, everyone back at their own stations, everyone.... thank you God.
This wasn't the case a couple of weeks ago.
Recently one of our Volunteers from the other side of the county went on a call, a very routine call. Most of our volunteers not only fight fire, but they are first responders as well. Attending everything from car accidents and heart attacks to Structure fires.
Please click here for the details of what actually happened to our fallen local hero
February 23, 2011
All week long I have woke up every morning at my bright and early 6:00 a.m. and then lay in bed till 6:30 because I just KNEW it really was Saturday and someone was playing a horrible trick on me. Nope... no such luck. But this morning... my dream dream came true! Ahhh... Saturday mornings.
Such days like this I wake up at 6:30 instead of 6:00, lay in the bed till 7:00 unless the husband is being SUPER sweet and full of love. Then I get to stay in bed till 8'ish. He was being super sweet this morning. I don't know what got into him but I'm sure he has some super secret plan to get out of the house today wit either his dad or one of his buddies for an extended period of time. As of right now he has been gone to the local Volunteer Fire Department for about... 30 minutes, with one of the guys. I love my husband.
Anyhow, so my time here with the girls and the computer has given me a moment to reflect on recent events and I just had to tell you about one of the things that frightens me the most, I know... beautiful Saturday morning and I'm going to get all morbid on your ass. Sorry about that. So here it goes...
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEPI am startled awake, its 2:13 a.m. and the only reason I know that is I just got completely scared out of my skin by the pager going off.
Central to Whynot, Central to Causeyville, Central to Vimville
I have a report of a structure fire, report of a structure fire. 1587 Highway 19 South, 1587 19 south, Structure fire, fully involved.
The husband gets out of bed, puts on his jeans and boots that are always laid out at the end of the bed, kisses me bye, and heads out the door. Then I hear him on the radio as he pulls out of the driveway...
Now... the show is on. I get up, go outside for a smoke, get a glass of coke and sit up in the bed listening to the radio. I hear all of the departments check in at the scene, get set up, and then the radio goes silent.....
Whynot copy, Whynot 2 in route to the station
Central copy
This is my dark hour, my time of complete grief, my husband is out there at a fire, doing God only knows what, and I have no idea where he is or what he is doing. He is a volunteer fire fighter in our community. He doesn't do it because he gets paid or has a fancy retirement or benefits, he does it because he loves it and he cares about the people in the community. The departments continue to talk on the radio but only on what they call talk around. It only has a short range so they don't clog up the radio with a bunch of traffic just in case there is another fire somewhere else in the county.
I was a volunteer several years ago, I drove and operated our fire truck, I loved it, but I saw the danger, I saw just how easily someone could get injured. Most of our volunteers are not trained, they just go when they are called.
So I sit... and wait... with that horrible sickening feeling in my stomach.... I feel the need to go throw up, but I know it won't do any good.... so I sit... and pray.... please God just bring him home safe... bring everyone home safe... please God put your arms around everyone involved... over and over
and then out of the darkness...
Whynot to Central, Whynot is 10-24, en route to the station
Central Copy...
Its over...
I hear everyone check back in, everyone back at their own stations, everyone.... thank you God.
This wasn't the case a couple of weeks ago.
Recently one of our Volunteers from the other side of the county went on a call, a very routine call. Most of our volunteers not only fight fire, but they are first responders as well. Attending everything from car accidents and heart attacks to Structure fires.
Please click here for the details of what actually happened to our fallen local hero
Larry C. Gressett Sr.
MERIDIAN —
Services for Larry Cleveland Gressett Sr. will be held Thursday, at 10 a.m., at Salem Baptist Church with Bro. Tom Woods officiating. Burial will be in the church cemetery with James F. Webb Funeral Home in charge of arrangements.
Mr. Gressett, 33, died Thursday, Feb. 17, 2011. He loved his children, family, and Country. He also loved being a volunteer firefighter and was a member of Toomsuba-Alamucha Volunteer Fire Department. Larry was a member of (LEMA) Lauderdale Emergency Management Agency and a member of Salem Baptist Church. He was employed by Webster Electric. Larry lost his life being a hero.
Rest in peace Larry Gressett, you will be missed.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
I had to, sorry...
I am really getting tired of listening to him hack and cough all night so I made threats to put it on lock down if he didn't go to the Dr. to get healed up. Rarely does the hubby ever get sick so when it happens, it can be pretty bad. This morning he had fever.
Our walk in clinic/doctor starts seeing patients at 1:00, but you need to show up around 12:00 to get a good spot in line and to keep you from waiting forfreakinever. Good luck during flu season, chances are you could be there until the supper bell rings.
So, I get a text from the sweet suffering hubby and I just had to share our conversation...
So, there is the end to it. For you that don't know me I wear a size 9 1/2 wide... completely flat footed. My husband and I have had a running joke calling me names like swamp foot and freak, and that I could ski barefoot. I have no arch, when I walk barefoot on concrete my feet make a slap sound. I can't buy all the cute shoes, I have to pick and choose carefully the style I wear because my feet will flood over the edges. Flip flops are my friend and the only athletic shoes I can wear that will not hurt is New Balance. I make sure I get a regular pedicure even if I do it myself for fear that if I have ghet-toes I will be banned from public places because of my freak skis.
I am by no means making fun of this person, but it's nice to know once in a while that I'm not the only one out there that will never be a foot model.
Our walk in clinic/doctor starts seeing patients at 1:00, but you need to show up around 12:00 to get a good spot in line and to keep you from waiting forfreakinever. Good luck during flu season, chances are you could be there until the supper bell rings.
So, I get a text from the sweet suffering hubby and I just had to share our conversation...
Him: Sitting at docs this girl across from me has some big feet makes urs look smaaaaallll
Me: LOL. Thank you for making a swamp foot reference
Him: You don't have nothin on this girl
Me: Really? That big?
Him: She is wearing ballet looking shoes and they r huge
Me: haha! Is she huge?
Him: looks tall sitting down, not heavy
Me: So are they abnormal huge? or just BIG?
Him: They are almost the same size as mine
Him: Wide and flat too
Him: By looking at 12 in tile on floor, they are almost 12 in long
Me: Wow!
Me: I feel better knowing there is someone out there like me
Him: LOL
Me: Does she at least have on cute shoes?
Him: She just got called back, she was tall, shoes black.
So, there is the end to it. For you that don't know me I wear a size 9 1/2 wide... completely flat footed. My husband and I have had a running joke calling me names like swamp foot and freak, and that I could ski barefoot. I have no arch, when I walk barefoot on concrete my feet make a slap sound. I can't buy all the cute shoes, I have to pick and choose carefully the style I wear because my feet will flood over the edges. Flip flops are my friend and the only athletic shoes I can wear that will not hurt is New Balance. I make sure I get a regular pedicure even if I do it myself for fear that if I have ghet-toes I will be banned from public places because of my freak skis.
I am by no means making fun of this person, but it's nice to know once in a while that I'm not the only one out there that will never be a foot model.
Monday, February 14, 2011
What is love?
Well, I'll tell ya...
The husband and I have a love that is pretty hard to beat. For reals yo!
So to show my true love for my mate... I made him dinner Saturday night before I went for my girls time with my new friend. Redneck dinner... fried deer meat and steak fries. The deep fryer was wide open! I swear that is the most horrible smell in the house after you have fried deer meat, but it taste so good. Besides... I make the best fried deer steak in the whole world ever... so nah. We enjoyed our romantic little dinner of fattening fried food in front of the T.V., and then my darling of a husband sat in the bedroom with me while I picked and scrutinized over what I would wear to have drinks with chicks... I mean really, I had to look cute!!! He said I should wear a T-Shirt with my jeans and cowboy boots. What'evs... he likes whatever I wear anyway.
That night at one of the local Mexican restaurants, I decided to be festive and indulge in a few Corona with lime, I rarely drink such an acidic beer but I knew I couldn't drink a margarita and be in any shape to drive 30 minutes to get back home... much less stop and get milk on my way. So we sat there, had our drinks, had chips and salsa (yummy), had conversation... ok, we got there at 7:30 and the husband called at 9:45 asking where we were. I haven't had conversation with a friend like that in forever. It felt good to be able to sit down and just relax. This was the first time that she and I had ever really spent time together. Mind you we have had our chats via text or on the phone, but nothing like this. So we had our drinks, paid our tabs, said our goodbyes and went on our separate way.
I crawled in the bed, exhausted from the day and fall right asleep... beer sleep is the best sleep!
I'm not exactly sure when the war started, but I think it was around the time of our first pregnancy is when it really got bad. Yep... the farting. I know your thinking GROSS!!! But you really have to know the Husband and I to really appreciate it. He likes to save them up until he has me in a good position on the couch and let one rip on me where as I like to just .... sneak up and leave a scent trail. He is more of a loud and rumble kind of guy where I'm a silent but deadly girl all thanks to Pop. However disgusting as you think it may be, we think its funny to gross each other out. Seriously... we've been married for 7 years. There is nothing to hide anymore. And honestly... you should be able to let one rip for the one you love!
I know better than to drink Corona with lime for one reason only... I can peel wallpaper when I fart. So since I am usually the one that gets pooted on, I got to enjoy my day leaving the skunk mating scent for the hubby to find me. He was not happy about this at all, especially when I let one go in the bed and he had to linger in it. I saved it just for him since he wouldn't help me sign Kid #1 and Kid #2's valentines for their party at school I was warned that if I did it again I would be kicked out of bed and made to sleep on the couch.
At this point, I'm not sure why, he deemed it necessary to get Kid #1's recorder, lime green in color... yeah the ones you play in kindergarten, and start playing it in bed... like he was some magical snake charmer or something.
So... I let another one one rip... hehehe.
He stole my pillows and I got kicked out of the bed, that was an interesting fight to say the least. I'm not sure who got hurt worse, but I drew blood.
So, out of breath, worn down from the fight, and he is still playing the recorder... I decided to pretend I was asleep... and let just one more little *poot* hang out for good measure.
I then drifted off in to wonderland happy peaceful sleep knowing.... that I finally got him... I won.... I... AM...THE... FART.... CHAMPION......< and the crowd roars> I get some sort of award for that... right?
The husband and I have a love that is pretty hard to beat. For reals yo!
So to show my true love for my mate... I made him dinner Saturday night before I went for my girls time with my new friend. Redneck dinner... fried deer meat and steak fries. The deep fryer was wide open! I swear that is the most horrible smell in the house after you have fried deer meat, but it taste so good. Besides... I make the best fried deer steak in the whole world ever... so nah. We enjoyed our romantic little dinner of fattening fried food in front of the T.V., and then my darling of a husband sat in the bedroom with me while I picked and scrutinized over what I would wear to have drinks with chicks... I mean really, I had to look cute!!! He said I should wear a T-Shirt with my jeans and cowboy boots. What'evs... he likes whatever I wear anyway.
That night at one of the local Mexican restaurants, I decided to be festive and indulge in a few Corona with lime, I rarely drink such an acidic beer but I knew I couldn't drink a margarita and be in any shape to drive 30 minutes to get back home... much less stop and get milk on my way. So we sat there, had our drinks, had chips and salsa (yummy), had conversation... ok, we got there at 7:30 and the husband called at 9:45 asking where we were. I haven't had conversation with a friend like that in forever. It felt good to be able to sit down and just relax. This was the first time that she and I had ever really spent time together. Mind you we have had our chats via text or on the phone, but nothing like this. So we had our drinks, paid our tabs, said our goodbyes and went on our separate way.
I crawled in the bed, exhausted from the day and fall right asleep... beer sleep is the best sleep!
I'm not exactly sure when the war started, but I think it was around the time of our first pregnancy is when it really got bad. Yep... the farting. I know your thinking GROSS!!! But you really have to know the Husband and I to really appreciate it. He likes to save them up until he has me in a good position on the couch and let one rip on me where as I like to just .... sneak up and leave a scent trail. He is more of a loud and rumble kind of guy where I'm a silent but deadly girl all thanks to Pop. However disgusting as you think it may be, we think its funny to gross each other out. Seriously... we've been married for 7 years. There is nothing to hide anymore. And honestly... you should be able to let one rip for the one you love!
I know better than to drink Corona with lime for one reason only... I can peel wallpaper when I fart. So since I am usually the one that gets pooted on, I got to enjoy my day leaving the skunk mating scent for the hubby to find me. He was not happy about this at all, especially when I let one go in the bed and he had to linger in it. I saved it just for him since he wouldn't help me sign Kid #1 and Kid #2's valentines for their party at school I was warned that if I did it again I would be kicked out of bed and made to sleep on the couch.
At this point, I'm not sure why, he deemed it necessary to get Kid #1's recorder, lime green in color... yeah the ones you play in kindergarten, and start playing it in bed... like he was some magical snake charmer or something.
So... I let another one one rip... hehehe.
He stole my pillows and I got kicked out of the bed, that was an interesting fight to say the least. I'm not sure who got hurt worse, but I drew blood.
So, out of breath, worn down from the fight, and he is still playing the recorder... I decided to pretend I was asleep... and let just one more little *poot* hang out for good measure.
Him: You fart again? You nasty ass!
Me: Hunh? I'm sleeping jackass.. go away
Him: you farted, I can smell it
Me: your dreaming, go back to sleep
Him: your nasty!
Me: <silently laughing to myself>
I then drifted off in to wonderland happy peaceful sleep knowing.... that I finally got him... I won.... I... AM...THE... FART.... CHAMPION......< and the crowd roars> I get some sort of award for that... right?
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Tomorrow is the big day!
If you forgot (not sure how) about Valentines day, I've compiled a list from various websites of a few last minute gifts and date ideas sure to woo over your significant other. Just make sure not to come home empty handed... Enjoy!!!
Try one of these stores for a quick gift:
- At a Toy Store - Pick up Twister, the Milton-Bradley game that's fun for all ages. And even more fun for adults.
- At Lowe's - Pick up an elegant dendrobium orchid, potted and ready for Valentine's Day giving.
- At Walgreen's - Pick up massage oils and body chocolate (available in four flavors) in the Valentine’s Day aisle.
- Grocery Store - make sure to pick up fresh flowers. Most grocery stores carry fresh flowers next to the product department. Hand delivered flowers always warm the heart.
- Heart-shaped locket
- Heart-shaped picture frame, with a picture of the two of you
- Heart-shaped, red-satin box of chocolates
- Heart-shaped candies that say "I Love You"
Quick items to grab and go:
- Stuffed animal from stationery store
- Book of love poetry
- Store-bought book of love IOU's
- Heart-shaped cake or cupcakes from supermarket.
Romantic date idea:
- a new take on dinner and a movie. Cook her a meal at home and pick up a romantic DVD.
- Order take out and have a candlelit picnic at the lake
- sometimes a spa trip can be expensive, purchase some spa treatments at Bath and Body works or the local drugstore and give each other your own spa treatment and massage.
- Create your own drive in movie in your own garage complete with popcorn and a big soda to share.
Old Photos for new gifts:
- load some of your favorite family photos or photos of the both of you together on a data stick and have various gifts made such as a mouse pad, coffee mug, or a calendar
- Take a favorite photo of the two of you and place it in a frame for a special gift.
And above all else... make sure you let that special person know just how much you love them. Happy Valentine's Day!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Hamsters and Fish
My coworker has a birthday coming up so after careful deliberation on what gift I would purchase for her, I found a travel mug for her to use in her new car. Not anything super expensive but very cute. It says I'm drinking coffee; it's too early for wine, for anyone that knows her... this is a perfect fit for the avid Merlot drinker. Plus... I have horrible problem with holding gifts until the actual day has arrived.
I bring the gift in, nothing fancy, no fancy wrapping (I'm too cheap) and set the gift bag along with the mug inside on her desk. Her eyes light up and she starts to squeal, not like a pig squeal or anything, more like a 5th grad girl that just found out she's going to see the new Justin Beeber movie. So, I give her my scissors and let her open the box, and I swear this had to be the best birthday gift I have ever given. She loved it! Nothing like seeing a 40+ woman running around the office giggling and jumping up and down over a coffee cup.
The day went on, nothing else exciting happened, well... something exciting did happen but I will have to share that with you tomorrow <insert evil laugh>, and we all went home for the day in hopes that last nights snow would result in a snow day from work. That was a no go, but we can always wish right? The snow stared about 6:00 p.m. and continued on fairly heavy for about an hour and 1/2 at the house. Resulting in a nice dusting in the yard and about and inch to two of accumulation on the back porch. The husband summoned me to the back door to see the white stuff and then it hit me... I felt like a 10 year old kid again, but rather than freeze my ass off, I let the kids do it instead. The husband thought it was a good time to play a joke on Kid#1. Yeah, he tells her to go put on her coat and her boots (she has already gotten in her pj's for the night) and informs her that she has to sleep outside with Stash Kitty... she was not amused until she made it to the back door to see the snow.
So, while the husband and I watch in amusement from the back door as Kid#1 and Kid#2 stamp stomp and make snowballs I tell him about my coworkers reaction to her fabulous birthday present.
At that point I just laugh it off and try to drag the popsicles back into the house with a promise of plenty of fun outside IF we get to have a snow day. Snow days don't happen too often in Mississippi, but when they do it's always fun.
After repeating the conversation back this morning to a friend I learned that not only do fish drink coffee... they drink more than Hamsters.
I bring the gift in, nothing fancy, no fancy wrapping (I'm too cheap) and set the gift bag along with the mug inside on her desk. Her eyes light up and she starts to squeal, not like a pig squeal or anything, more like a 5th grad girl that just found out she's going to see the new Justin Beeber movie. So, I give her my scissors and let her open the box, and I swear this had to be the best birthday gift I have ever given. She loved it! Nothing like seeing a 40+ woman running around the office giggling and jumping up and down over a coffee cup.
The day went on, nothing else exciting happened, well... something exciting did happen but I will have to share that with you tomorrow <insert evil laugh>, and we all went home for the day in hopes that last nights snow would result in a snow day from work. That was a no go, but we can always wish right? The snow stared about 6:00 p.m. and continued on fairly heavy for about an hour and 1/2 at the house. Resulting in a nice dusting in the yard and about and inch to two of accumulation on the back porch. The husband summoned me to the back door to see the white stuff and then it hit me... I felt like a 10 year old kid again, but rather than freeze my ass off, I let the kids do it instead. The husband thought it was a good time to play a joke on Kid#1. Yeah, he tells her to go put on her coat and her boots (she has already gotten in her pj's for the night) and informs her that she has to sleep outside with Stash Kitty... she was not amused until she made it to the back door to see the snow.
So, while the husband and I watch in amusement from the back door as Kid#1 and Kid#2 stamp stomp and make snowballs I tell him about my coworkers reaction to her fabulous birthday present.
Me: I gave her the coffee mug today, you should have seen her face
Him: She liked it hunh?
Me: yeah, you should have seen her... she was jumping up and down giggling
Him: She even drink coffee?
Me: Like a fish!!!
Him: Like a fish? Does a fish drink coffee
Me: ugh <dirty look, rolling of the eyes>
Him: I don't guess I've ever heard anyone say a fish drinks coffee. How much coffee does a fish drink anyway?
Me: Look, I was just trying to spice up the conversation
Him: <blank stare>
Me: Whatever Kimosabe
Him: Why can't I be Tonto?
At that point I just laugh it off and try to drag the popsicles back into the house with a promise of plenty of fun outside IF we get to have a snow day. Snow days don't happen too often in Mississippi, but when they do it's always fun.
After repeating the conversation back this morning to a friend I learned that not only do fish drink coffee... they drink more than Hamsters.
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