Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Can I get a break?

It seems like literally everything in the last week has gone completely wrong in some form or fashion for me. With the constant divorce drama at home I don’t know which way to turn, right or wrong?

I had hoped that this divorce thing would go quickly now that we came to an agreement, but it seems as though it’s just getting worse. Now we are actually considering reconciling but to do that I’ve got to prove myself worthy… really? Either you want to be with me or not!

I really just don’t know what to do.

I love my husband completely and with all my heart. The last thing I envisioned when we got married is that eight years down the road we would be in this position. I didn’t get married to get a divorce. So I stand here begging him to reconsider and keep our family together, and he is brow beating me with a list of “done me wrongs” that I don’t have all the answers for. Yes, I screwed up… but you ain’t no Saint either honey. We both messed up and we both have to take responsibility for our actions. It almost kills me that he blames his faults all on me. I admit that I blame him for some of the things he has done wrong as well, but in all honesty… He did what he did because I didn’t do what I was supposed to do and the other way around.

What do I do?

I know that if I don’t give it a chance, if I don’t try I will always wonder “what it”, but on the other hand I don’t want to be back in the same position two or three years later down the road. I’m as confused as a bald man with a hair dryer. What am I doing? Are he and I ever going to reach a point if we reconcile that we will get to a point where we will get along? Will I ever stop having to prove myself to him? Will I stop feeling like he’s always hiding something from me? There are so many questions I have and I want the answers yesterday.

2 comments:

Jodi@ underthegeorgiasun.com said...

oh hon, I just want to reach over the state lines and just give you a big ol' hug!!!

I suggest y'all see a Christian counselor. And I stress CHRISTIAN b/c secular counselors will not help. At least that's my consensus. And if you can't do that, I suggest going through the Love Dare together.

Let me know if you need a copy and I will send it to you ASAP.

sending up prayers for you both!!

Unknown said...

In my opinion, honey, (and we both know what THAT is worth), it sounds like you're being a grown up, owning up to your mistakes, and taking responsibility. Until he is willing to admit that he just MIGHTnot be perfect, this is all one-sided. And one-sided never works -- in Love or War.

I agree that counseling could help, but only if HE is willing to let it help, too.

Confused is a state of life, I'm afraid. But if you keep going Forward, you will come out the other end. Backwards just makes everything worse. Stay Strong, Friend.