The husband and I have a love that is pretty hard to beat. For reals yo!
So to show my true love for my mate... I made him dinner Saturday night before I went for my girls time with my new friend. Redneck dinner... fried deer meat and steak fries. The deep fryer was wide open! I swear that is the most horrible smell in the house after you have fried deer meat, but it taste so good. Besides... I make the best fried deer steak in the whole world ever... so nah. We enjoyed our romantic little dinner of fattening fried food in front of the T.V., and then my darling of a husband sat in the bedroom with me while I picked and scrutinized over what I would wear to have drinks with chicks... I mean really, I had to look cute!!! He said I should wear a T-Shirt with my jeans and cowboy boots. What'evs... he likes whatever I wear anyway.
That night at one of the local Mexican restaurants, I decided to be festive and indulge in a few Corona with lime, I rarely drink such an acidic beer but I knew I couldn't drink a margarita and be in any shape to drive 30 minutes to get back home... much less stop and get milk on my way. So we sat there, had our drinks, had chips and salsa (yummy), had conversation... ok, we got there at 7:30 and the husband called at 9:45 asking where we were. I haven't had conversation with a friend like that in forever. It felt good to be able to sit down and just relax. This was the first time that she and I had ever really spent time together. Mind you we have had our chats via text or on the phone, but nothing like this. So we had our drinks, paid our tabs, said our goodbyes and went on our separate way.
I crawled in the bed, exhausted from the day and fall right asleep... beer sleep is the best sleep!
I'm not exactly sure when the war started, but I think it was around the time of our first pregnancy is when it really got bad. Yep... the farting. I know your thinking GROSS!!! But you really have to know the Husband and I to really appreciate it. He likes to save them up until he has me in a good position on the couch and let one rip on me where as I like to just .... sneak up and leave a scent trail. He is more of a loud and rumble kind of guy where I'm a silent but deadly girl all thanks to Pop. However disgusting as you think it may be, we think its funny to gross each other out. Seriously... we've been married for 7 years. There is nothing to hide anymore. And honestly... you should be able to let one rip for the one you love!
I know better than to drink Corona with lime for one reason only... I can peel wallpaper when I fart. So since I am usually the one that gets pooted on, I got to enjoy my day leaving the skunk mating scent for the hubby to find me. He was not happy about this at all, especially when I let one go in the bed and he had to linger in it. I saved it just for him since he wouldn't help me sign Kid #1 and Kid #2's valentines for their party at school I was warned that if I did it again I would be kicked out of bed and made to sleep on the couch.
At this point, I'm not sure why, he deemed it necessary to get Kid #1's recorder, lime green in color... yeah the ones you play in kindergarten, and start playing it in bed... like he was some magical snake charmer or something.
So... I let another one one rip... hehehe.
He stole my pillows and I got kicked out of the bed, that was an interesting fight to say the least. I'm not sure who got hurt worse, but I drew blood.
So, out of breath, worn down from the fight, and he is still playing the recorder... I decided to pretend I was asleep... and let just one more little *poot* hang out for good measure.
Him: You fart again? You nasty ass!
Me: Hunh? I'm sleeping jackass.. go away
Him: you farted, I can smell it
Me: your dreaming, go back to sleep
Him: your nasty!
Me: <silently laughing to myself>
I then drifted off in to wonderland happy peaceful sleep knowing.... that I finally got him... I won.... I... AM...THE... FART.... CHAMPION......< and the crowd roars> I get some sort of award for that... right?
6 comments:
awards? that would make for an interesting story if you had a fart award made & you could pass it back & forth between family members, based on who was the current vile offender.
my friend... I have been inspired! Thank you!!!
You are not the fart champion. Dad is and always will be!!!! Even if he blamed on the poor dog :) Love you lots,
Jo Jo
Maybe that would be a good birthday present for him... with all the old trophies around the house, we could come up with something funny.
Maybe that would be a good birthday present for him... with all the old trophies around the house, we could come up with something funny.
hahaha... it might have to wait to Father's day for that one. That's going to take some research :) but it's definately a great idea.
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