why I do this

Not exactly sure why I blog, but I thought this would be a good way to express how I feel and bull shit like that. Really? No one gives a rats ass about how I feel. Well, except the family and the husband, they care but in all honesty... not really anyone else. So whats the point of telling you how I feel. I fed that load of crap to my therapist and I still didn't feel any better about life in general.

yes, I said my therapist

Lovely woman, I have not seen her in a couple of months now, maybe I should.. but I got really tired of hearing her say and how does that make you feel?

Therapist really say that... believe it or not because I thought people were full of it when they told me to beware of the phrase. This is the phrase that sucks you in to telling your deepest darkest secret. Of course it makes you feel so much better that you shared your horrifying secrets with someone. The part that really gets me is that I see her from time to time, grocery store and what not, and she never acknowledges me. I like that. Not that I don't want to talk about my personal problems while debating over the store brand canned tomatoes vs DelMonte, but its nice to feel like I have that safe place to talk... sometimes. I can't help but wonder, who does my therapist talk to?

Who does she talk to about all the madness and tragedy that she hears about every day? Does she sit down with her friends on her girls weekend and say you won't believe what this random psycho said today. Am I crazy for feeling like that? I often think to myself about that. She can't say who its about but I can't help but wonder if she gives enough detail to let someone in so they can figure it out. I'm sure that is just some of my psycho tendencies coming out.

Speaking of that.. It's time I called her and made an appointment. I've got some issues I need to talk about.

The husband has been a big help. He has been there to listen to what bothers me, give advice blah blah blah. But there are just some things you can't talk to your husband about... not in detail. Not like you would share with your girlfriends... you know, stuff about him. And well of course this uncontrollable urge to cry all the time.

I think it's the stress of the Holiday season. Between work and birthday parties and drama and more work.. I don't feel like we are getting ahead at all. Yet another thing I need to talk to my therapist about.

Keep your head up Rosie, the year is almost over and it will be slow as dirt at work again, no shopping for at least a couple of months, and all the drama will eventually go away...