Well, What I said was...

Hello friends...

Welcome to my new page. Not much has changed except the title and where you can find me in the world wide webs :) If you are current readers... please take the time to update your reading list, add me to your favorites, make me your home page blah blah blah. If you are not a current reader, I will either say welcome or call you stalker... give me a few minutes to make up my mind. Anyhow... It's something I had been thinking about doing for a while, decided that now was a good time. Other changes in my life, why not this as well. I hope you hang around.

~ Much love, Rosie

on to greater things...

So yeah, I wrote the letter to myself 20 years ago. I may just have to do that on milestone birthdays. Remind me when I turn 41 (which will NEVER happen) to do the "what not to do on your 21st birthday" letter. Yeah, that weekend was a total bomb. Never date a race car driver... and check the truck before you leave the track to make sure he isn't sneaking some skank home. Little bitter still? Yeah maybe.

Anyway... back to reality and 36. Ugh. New adventures that I am going on this year. YES!!! I said adventures.

I have broken out of my shell, I've started singing something other than in the shower, car, and Karaoke. Woo Hoo! I've branched out... real musicians. Go figure, there are people out there that actually get paid, not much, to play music and they want people to sing with them. Whoda thunk it...  At this point, it's all still in the works and all, but I'm trying. I may even write a song or two. Yeah, I'm kinda awesome like that, I can lay down the dope lyrics blah blah blah... haha! I really had too much coffee before I started writing this.

Another adventure... I've told you about my petrifying fear of water. I've been on a boat a few times, canoed, all that stuff. Once once at night, that still sucked, but I think it was who was in the boat with me and their LACK of consideration for that fact that I don't like water at night and big stuff in the water, wreckage and bridges, freak me the ____ out. Chances are I probably won't be in the fishing boat in the middle of the night again, but I'll try. However, I have been on a canoeing trip, going again this weekend with Kid #1 and Kid #1. Weekend before last I spent the day on the river... in a boat, going fast. Hehehe... I liked it. I'm feeling more confident in myself these days.

And last but not least... I am finally on my own, supporting myself, in my own home (rented or whatever). I stayed with my parents for too long. I love them, but I couldn't run around the house naked looking for shoes in the morning trying to get ready for work. I'm happy. I'm at peace. I can finally do what I want rather than what I need, within limits and all that. I own appliances... yeah, that's some pretty smexy stuff there. I have cable, I can set the AC on whatever I want, and I can even stay up however late I want. Within reason of course, we are all adults here. I keep beer in my fridge too. I'm totally living on the edge. Last but not least... I can freaking take up the whole bed if I want to, except when the cat and both the kids decide I have to share, and then I have to sleep on the edge. The only snoring that wakes me up... is mine. Awesome. I've been in my house a couple months now. Finally have it set up the way I want it. Yes I need a few things but that will take time. I'm still happy regardless.

Next up... my bucket list. Be looking for that in the days to come.

Dear, 16 year old me...

I’ve debated writing this letter to you for a while now. It’s just a few weeks past your 16^th birthday. That was a great party, and the promise ring he bought you is so pretty. I want to save you a little bit of stress, he really does love you so don’t walk away just yet. It’s not time. I know High School sucks. Keep it up, your doing a good job. Ignore those that pick on you because you aren’t as cool as they think you should be. It’s not worth the stress and pain you feel right now. You will grow into a beautiful woman, you’ll fill out. Eventually you will gain a little weight and not look so poor.

When you start school at East Central, give it all you’ve got. College isn’t a big party. Go to class, keep your grades up, graduate on time. Keep it up, go on to finish your degree… I know you think you can do it part time, but you’ll give up if you don’t go at it 100%. It’s so hard to go back after you’re grown. Don’t miss out on any opportunity to sing… Sing with your heart and soul. Be forgiving of others. Keep in touch with the girls from the dorm. You’ll wish you had them around in your 20’s.

When you turn 22 you’ll get a job working at the bar. You’ll make good money, but be careful… you have a tendency to drink too much. Don’t let alcohol ruin your life like we’ve seen it happen to others. Just don’t do it. Only go in there when you have to work. Spend more time with your family. Remember to cherish the girls that you work with, these are life long friendships. That guy you dated for a few years… don’t push it. He does care but he’s hurt too. You’ll learn a lot about life with him. He’s not the one for you though… When he lets you leave, and you will… do it on good terms.

At 27 you’ll decide to get married. You love him, he’s your best friend. I’d say don’t rush it, but if I did and you took more time, you wouldn’t have Katie and Samantha. Go to church more, spend more time with him, focus more on your family, if not… you’ll be divorced in 8 years. It’s not worth it. Divorce hurts, it will nearly kill you. Don’t get back in the bottle again. Don’t do it please. You’ll end up totaling out your new car and going broke. You can’t drown yourself in alcohol. It only numbs the pain, it won’t go away. Talk to someone about how you feel. Self medicating isn’t the answer.

You’re going to date a few guys after your divorce, a couple good one and quite a few bad ones. You made a lot of mistakes in your marriage, one of them was giving up too early, but don’t let the past stop you from moving forward. You are going to miss out on a few nice guys because you’re scared to get hurt, or worse… hurt them. Don’t push people away. Being single isn’t so bad. Being lonely is terrible. Have friends that you spend time with. You will have some amazing ones when you reach my age. You don’t need a man in your life to make you feel whole so don't feel like you have to date anyone unless you want to. Don’t settle for less than you deserve, and you my dear… deserve nothing but the best.

Dear, 16 year old me…

Keep a positive outlook. All the things you think are wrong with you are things that people told you that you had to believe. Don’t let anyone treat you like you are ordinary. You are an amazing woman. Remember that you are beautiful. Take chances. Don’t miss an opportunity to do something amazing.

And most important… don’t give up on love…

had to get it out...

So, I apologize for my complete rant the other day about poor pitiful me. I look back now and see that really, it's not so bad. I have friends that honestly love me in return. And because of that... I am a very lucky lady.

I've had a few days to reflect over my relationship status, my situation in life.... everything actually. I could have it much worse. I shouldn't be upset about the fact that I've had bad relationships in the past, friends or otherwise. It just shows me how important the ones I have, the healthy ones, are.

I honestly feel that I've missed out on being happy because I hadn't chosen to be fully happy. Maybe that rant the other day was just what I needed to get it off my chest. Yeah, I'm frustrated that things aren't perfect right now. Honestly... who is it perfect for? You see all these happy people on facebook or in the public eye and behind closed doors it's totally different. Trust me I know, everyone thought my ex husband and I had the perfect relationship. Looks can be deceiving.

I've chosen to be happy again...

I've learned that the fate of any relationship depends on the person who cares the least. So, if I'm making all the effort to keep the relationship there, what does that say about me? Am I needy? I don't think so... Am I desperate? No... Do I want everyone to be happy and feel loved? Yes. But at what expense... I refuse to put more in than I get back. I guess that means... if you show that you are not putting in 100%, why should I... right?

I have been shown the last few days what true friendship really is...   with kind words of encouragement, understanding, and helping hands. True friends do that. Let me know you are thinking of me once in a while, don't make me be the one to constantly reach out. It made me think ...

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Next week I start a new chapter in my life. Cross your fingers and say a little prayer.

It’s not so bad…

The single life I mean, it’s not that bad.

I've met a few people, been on a few dates or whatever you want to call them…. spent a lot of time talking and getting to know people. Do I want a relationship? yeah, it would be nice to have that “someone” in my life, but what will come with it? That is the part that really freaks me out. I want to know that I can depend on someone to be there, go to the movies with, maybe dinner now and then… talk at night. Listen to me. That sounds just like a relationship doesn't it. I just don’t want to be let down again, I don’t think I can sustain another disappointment.

My head is so jacked up…

With what I've been through and the things I've seen. One failed attempt after another… I’m not sure if having a boyfriend or whatever is what I really need.  Heck yeah it would be nice, but.. really? Do I just give too much? When I care about someone I give it my all… does not matter the situation, friends or otherwise. I get walked on by some people and that has taught me to be somewhat more guarded, but honestly… I love with all of my heart, not part of it. Some people can’t handle it. I literally have so much pain going on in my world that it makes my heart happy to escape for a while and make someone else smile. It can be overwhelming for anyone that has never had that in their life. It is also a welcome comfort to a friend who is hurting. Come cry on my shoulder… it will make me forget my own problems. But does that make me selfish too?

I sit here writing this with my heart literally breaking, I can feel the pain in my chest, because I just want to feel happiness… I want someone to give back and do everything to make me smile, like I try to do for others. I prayed last night, a lot… I gave all my troubles over to God, I let it go. I woke up with a sense of peace that things are going to work out. It’s going to get better. I’m just tired of fighting, I’m tired of crying, I’m really tired of being so strong…  but that isn't me, I don’t give up and give in. You need me to be positive for you to make it through the day? I’m going to do it, and with a smile on my face. But at what point do I get to break down and have my moment…. When do I get to have someone hold my hand.  When can I cry and hurt? When can I quit being so strong? Because at this point I know there is no other option than to hold my head high and keep moving forward. Maybe that’s why I want someone in my life, someone genuine? I’m just so scared of being let down again that I don’t know what to do. I can’t take that leap of faith again…

Are you with the right partner?

I copied this from a post I found on facebook.... several people shared it. The article originated from https://www.facebook.com/#!/ian.c.so. Enjoy. Definitely worth the read.

ARE YOU WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?


During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?"

... The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind
replied the author.

Here's the answer.

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you
fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls,
want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you
may begin to desire that experience with someone
else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know
WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO! ♥

Who is she...

I'm Rosie, and this year I will turn 36...

I won’t lie, yes... 36. I’ve been told I look 25 but most of the time it’s through the eyes of a drunken 25 year old boy thinking he might have a chance. I’ve gotten it a time or two when being carded for a drink at dinner and such. My mother said my divorce aged me, I don’t see it … regardless, I’ll be over 35. I honestly never thought I’d see it.

I always felt it was a milestone in my life… now I’ll be passing it in a few months. Oh, the lessons I learned. Trust is earned, not freely given. Most people don’t have your best interest at heart even if you do… be careful, he may not be genuine. People can be catty and chatty, your business may be all over town if you share with the wrong person. Unless he’s in a good church and takes his children, he probably isn’t interested in what you have to say. If you aren’t careful people will use you for whatever you have to give… money, a car ride, shoulder to cry on. But chances are, when you need it they won’t be there. Some friendships are only made to find out information, or snoop. People will assume what they want regardless of what you say.

Looking at my life and what I learned about people over the last couple of years, and especially in year 35, I don’t see what God is directing me to do in my life. My devotion today: For you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. For the Scriptures say “You must be holy because I am holy.” 1 Peter 1:15-16 Yes, I’ve gone out and lived it up. I had a great time… I partied, made huge mistakes and a couple of bad choices, but on the other hand there were some amazing parts as well. I can’t really complain and I won’t ask for a do over. I made a few of the most wonderful and supportive friends a girl could ask for. I made a decision to stand on my own two feet again. I decided who I will and will not be allowed to share my life. But then I look back and see I didn’t live a holy life, there were times I didn’t even try. I’m disappointed in that.

I’m not perfect, and I will stumble from time to time… but I hope that with the knowledge I’ve gained I will make better choices. By doing that am I making myself over? Not really, I'll always be the same person to some point, just more cautious.I was told by a wise man you are like the 3 people closest to you in your life…  so who does that make you? The three closest people in my life are pretty amazing so, I finally know who I am. 

Social Media does it again...

Saturday night I had a long conversation with my Mud-duck and after long debate, I deleted the FaceBook account again. She did it as well, so we have a small support group. One week... lets see how long it last. However I still have the Hello Rosie fan page so I'm not completely disconnected. I know I've done it before but it has gotten to be too much. How many conversations have you had that start out "I saw on facebook..."?

Things I started noticing since the last deactivation. Share this and try to win, 100's of fan pages of nothing but video's and snarky comments. I'm tired of seeing how many times someone went to the gym or how often they eat at McDonald's. I want the old FaceBook back. Too many advertisements  too much drama. And don't forget the crazies. Really? You're scared someone may accidentally see you commented on someones status... Social Media (mainly Facebook) has created a generation of overly insecure people. This person made a status update and your guilty conscience led you to believe it was about you. Not to mention this person tagged 20 people in a post about how much they love their friends, you had lunch with her yesterday... why did she leave you out. My favorite is the jealously because another woman liked his picture, even though they have been friends for some 20 years now. FaceBook has ruined more friendships, relationships, and marriages than anything I've seen. It opens a whole new level of shady. I know, I know... nothing says I trust you like a joint FB account for a couple but really... Why wouldn't you, unless you have something to hide.

I have Instagram, my blog, twitter and Pinterest. There are ways to get in touch with me if you want to. You just need to look. I've been in boxed on FB by some of the strangest people... yet another reason to let it go. I'm a fairly private person, it has gotten too personal. I've tried to be quiet about where I am or who I'm with, but I can't filter everything.

One reason that really strikes in my mind that I need to get off the grid... I received a letter in the mail from an inmate at the Florida State Penitentiary.  Yes, freaked me out because there is no way he could have gotten my address since, I don't have a home phone. I assume that he looked up my parents in the white pages since I've known the man 10+ years. None the less, he was arrested for messing around with a 13 year old girl. My daughters are 7 and 4. It's too easy to get in touch with me these days.

So.. since you can't get me on my regular FB account, try one of the other modes of communication. There are plenty... you just actually have to know who I am to get to me. Good luck and happy hunting...

Girls just wanna have pun…. The Wednesday Funnies edition

Happy Wednesday my friends. This morning I was on StumbleUpon and ran across this little funny. Hope you enjoy!!

..A guy goes into a nice restaurant bar wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in -- just don't start anything."

...This mushroom walks into a bar and starts hitting on this woman... She, of course, turns him down. Not willing, to give up, he pleads with her... "C'mon lady, I'm a fun guy..."

...This horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, buddy, why the long face...

...These two strings walk upto a bar... The first string walks in and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells "I don't serve strings in this bar... The other string ruffs himself up on the street and curls up and orders... The bartender shouts, Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?" String says "Yeah." Bartender says, "aren't you a string?" ... String says, "No, I'm a frayed knot..."

...This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies "Really? You have a drink named Steve?!"

...This baby seal walks into a bar and the bartender says,"What'll ya have..." The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club...

...This skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer and a mop..."

...A man walked into a bar and sat down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" he asked. "No." A few minutes later the dog took a huge chunk out of the man's leg. "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" he said indignantly. The other guy replied, "That's not my dog."

...A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

...Descartes walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Would you like a beer?" Descartes replies "I think not" and POOF! he vanishes...

...A three legged dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw..."

...A hamburger walks into a bar, and the bartenders says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve food here..."

...A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"

...A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you." "Why not?" asks the snake. The bartender says, "Because you can't hold your liquor..."

...Baby seal walks into a club... what a tragedy...

...A guy walks into a bar. "OUCH!" he said...

...Two peanuts walked into a bar, and one was a-salted...

...Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the bartender. "I'll have a glass of blood," said one. "I'll have a glass of plasma", said the other. "Okay," replied the bartender, "that'll be one blood and one blood lite..."

...Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, 'I think I've lost an electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first says, 'Yes, I'm positive...'

...Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, a tub of cottage chesse, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here." One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."

...a man walked into a bar, sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say "nice tie!" Looking around he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender at the end of the bar. A few sips later the voice said "beautiful shirt." At this, the man called the bartender over,"Hey...i must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here other than us." "It's the peanuts" answered the bartender. "Say what?" "You heard me" said the barkeep."it's the peanuts... they're complimentary."

...Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist;s Novocain during root canal work because he wanted to transcend dental medication.

...Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak got chilly so they lit a fire in the craft but it sank proving once and for all you can't have your kayak and eat it too.

...Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina; one went to Hollywood and became a famous actor while the other stayed behind in the cotton fields never amounting to much and became known as the lesser of two weevils.

...There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

...A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amahl while the other goes to a family in Spain and is named Juan. Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother and upon receiving the picture she tells her husband she wishes she also had a picture of Amahl. "But they're twins," says her husband, "If you've seen Juan you've seen Amahl."

...A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing around in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. About an hour later the manager comes out of his office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked as they moved along. "Because," said the manager, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

...It was a doctor's regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home and, aware of his habit, the bartender would always have the drink waiting for him at precisely 5:18 PM. One afternoon as the end of the work-day neared the bartender was dismayed to find he was out of hazelnut extract but, thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink, then exclaimed: "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri", to which the bartender replied, "No, I'm sorry, it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

...A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat when he came across two men; one was sitting under a tree reading a book while the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him proving even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

On the road again...

I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to say at this point. I don’t know how to honestly explain how I feel about what I’ve done. I hurt, but I also feel a sense of relief. I’m sad but I’m also happy. There is not one emotion that can truly define and describe what it is that I feel. It’s a blank emotion… I’m fine.

Recently I took a step back and looked at the situation I was in. Yes, we were trying but still couldn’t come to a resolution of our problem. Communication and trust. No matter the amount of love, sometimes it just isn’t enough. Rarely do couples that have been divorced make it when they try again. I can definitely say it is amicable this time. When the divorce was final last year, there was constant fighting and jealously. That is why I knew we had to try again. If we didn't have unfinished business it wouldn't have been an issue. This time we know, it’s just not going to happen. So now, we remain friends and look to building a strong friendship for the girls. They deserve happiness, even if its two homes. WE can do this, it will be hard, but we can do it.

So now my journey starts over…

I took up residence in the parents home (not that I wanted to) since finding something to rent around this town is slim pickings. I have found an apartment, but I just don’t feel that is the best move for us right now. I’m hoping a house will become available soon close to their school. It’s a great school district so I have to be on my toes if I see something. Checking the paper daily. The girls want a dog. #1 says she wants an American Bulldog…. She might get a cat instead. #2 is pretty content with anything as long as she can play outside. Myself… I would prefer a cat and a house I can move my piano to. I've missed it.

I’m lucky that I’m working and I have the support of family in this situation. I know that there are some people that don’t have that. I’m truly blessed with wonderful understanding parents and my best friend, my sister. They have supported every decision I’ve made over the last couple of years, whether they thought I was wrong or not.

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers… more to come in the life of Rosie