Today I took the giant leap forward into the rest of my life. I signed the papers.
Not exactly sure what I am feeling right now. Between the nausea and the anxiety, I can't describe it. Hell I can barely even type it. Just know that I think I will be ok.
I know time heals all wounds and at some point in time I will learn that this was for the best for both of us even though I really don't feel like it right now.
Can I say I'm scared to death?
I will update more Monday after he signs the papers to let you know how I feel.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Finding New Friends Weekend Blog Hop - Week 43
Welcome back to week 43 of Finding New Friends Weekend Blog Hop hosted by Shelly from My Saving Game, Sam from Have Sippy Will Travel and Jeannette from The Adventures of J-Man and MillerBug! Thank you all for helping make this hop so successful! We love you tons! Now what are you waiting for? Let’s get to hopping! We are finding some fabulous blogs through this hop and having a great time getting to know so many of you! So thank you for linking up again this week to those of you who are hop veterans and welcome to those who are new! Let’s continue to make new bloggy friends and increase our traffic! We do have a few simple rules for you – nothing too tough though. So here we go!
1. Please follow your hostesses My Saving Game, Have Sippy Will Travel and The Advetures of J-Man and MillerBug on one of our social media platforms.Leave us a comment and we will follow you back! (This includes Google +, Facebook or Twitter.)
2. Follow our Guest Host who this weeks is Nikki from Peace, Love and Purses.
3. You don’t have to post our button but we sure would like it if you did. Not only does it help our hop grow so we can all get new followers, but each week we will choose a guest co-host and to be considered you must have our button somewhere on your site! If you post our button and want to be considered for guest co-host, please email me at http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=1817464066393288406 to express your interest.
4. You can link up blogs, facebook, twitter accounts, whatever - just be sure to specify what each link is.
5. Hop around and find blogs that you enjoy. Be sure to tell them you are following them from Finding New Friends Weekend Blog Hop so they can follow you back!
6. Have fun!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
don't get on my last nerve... again
Small towns and rumors and drama...
yep...
living in a small town you get a little too close to people, closer than you really want to. I'm sure that if you live in a big city you really don't have to run into people or talk to anyone unless you really want to. But in a small town like this... you really can't help it.There are only a few places to really "go out" so you see the dreaded ex friend that wants to "talk" , or there is that one chick that no matter how far you go out of your way to be nice, she still has her nose in the air when your in the same group of people, classy. Meaning go out... like dinner or even for drinks. It doesn't matter... its everywhere....
I am a social person by nature. I love to get dressed up, get out of the house, dance and have a good time. Going through the divorce right now however I can't do that. Heck I can't even go to Wal-Mart without someone running their mouth that I was out partying it up... yeah, in Wal-Mart. I guess I should have gotten my picture taken for http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/ so that I could show off just how fancy I got dressed up to buy milk and tampons.
I freaking hate drama and right now my life is full of it. I mean when I say full its full. I'm hearing things about me that I didn't even know I did. Another reason I hate this small town, but alas with joint custody and the fact that I actually want my kids to see their father on a regular basis, I can't move. I know that regardless of where I live though there will always be some sort of drama.
The place I live is very click'ish. I know you only see clicks in high school, but honestly... Meridian, MS is just like high school, no matter what age you are. Maybe it's because everyone knows every ones business? I don't know, and at this point I really don't care.
Like I said earlier about going out... that is one reason the Hubs and I stayed home or would go to a friends house. There is this group over here and that group over there and its almost like you have to get approval from everyone in the group to be able to hang out. Seriously. You could know two or three people but if there is someone there that has been hanging around longer and they don't like you... hang it up. Sound familiar Meridian High School class of 1995...Isn't that a click? So if you don't meet the standards of all in the group or at least the "group leader" then there is drama to follow... I know we say we are too old for high school click drama but honestly... these are adults acting like children. If you don't like me, say so I don't need your approval. But even hanging out with a small group of friends there is always going to be that one person that has to keep the pot stirred up all the time no matter what is going on. Do people thrive on this shit or what?!?
Drama in a small town is ridiculous... there are so many rumors flying around about me it's not even funny. And most of the crap comes from when I was like 25 years old. Yep... just because I supposedly did it then (which I didn't) does NOT mean I'm going to do it now (never going to happen). Hint of advise for you young ladies out there... never take a job in a bar unless you are emotionally strong enough to let the rumors and drama roll off your back... just saying.
So really... my topics fall together... I just don't like rumors and drama and most of it comes from the fact that I live in a small town. So how do you avoid all that? You can't.. I've tried. We tried staying home, didn't work. We tried deleting facebook, that really didn't work either. Facebook is a world full of drama just saying and its like a black hole that sucks you in. Seriously stay away if you can... also known as Crackbook.
yep...
living in a small town you get a little too close to people, closer than you really want to. I'm sure that if you live in a big city you really don't have to run into people or talk to anyone unless you really want to. But in a small town like this... you really can't help it.There are only a few places to really "go out" so you see the dreaded ex friend that wants to "talk" , or there is that one chick that no matter how far you go out of your way to be nice, she still has her nose in the air when your in the same group of people, classy. Meaning go out... like dinner or even for drinks. It doesn't matter... its everywhere....
I am a social person by nature. I love to get dressed up, get out of the house, dance and have a good time. Going through the divorce right now however I can't do that. Heck I can't even go to Wal-Mart without someone running their mouth that I was out partying it up... yeah, in Wal-Mart. I guess I should have gotten my picture taken for http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/ so that I could show off just how fancy I got dressed up to buy milk and tampons.
I freaking hate drama and right now my life is full of it. I mean when I say full its full. I'm hearing things about me that I didn't even know I did. Another reason I hate this small town, but alas with joint custody and the fact that I actually want my kids to see their father on a regular basis, I can't move. I know that regardless of where I live though there will always be some sort of drama.
The place I live is very click'ish. I know you only see clicks in high school, but honestly... Meridian, MS is just like high school, no matter what age you are. Maybe it's because everyone knows every ones business? I don't know, and at this point I really don't care.
Like I said earlier about going out... that is one reason the Hubs and I stayed home or would go to a friends house. There is this group over here and that group over there and its almost like you have to get approval from everyone in the group to be able to hang out. Seriously. You could know two or three people but if there is someone there that has been hanging around longer and they don't like you... hang it up. Sound familiar Meridian High School class of 1995...Isn't that a click? So if you don't meet the standards of all in the group or at least the "group leader" then there is drama to follow... I know we say we are too old for high school click drama but honestly... these are adults acting like children. If you don't like me, say so I don't need your approval. But even hanging out with a small group of friends there is always going to be that one person that has to keep the pot stirred up all the time no matter what is going on. Do people thrive on this shit or what?!?
Drama in a small town is ridiculous... there are so many rumors flying around about me it's not even funny. And most of the crap comes from when I was like 25 years old. Yep... just because I supposedly did it then (which I didn't) does NOT mean I'm going to do it now (never going to happen). Hint of advise for you young ladies out there... never take a job in a bar unless you are emotionally strong enough to let the rumors and drama roll off your back... just saying.
So really... my topics fall together... I just don't like rumors and drama and most of it comes from the fact that I live in a small town. So how do you avoid all that? You can't.. I've tried. We tried staying home, didn't work. We tried deleting facebook, that really didn't work either. Facebook is a world full of drama just saying and its like a black hole that sucks you in. Seriously stay away if you can... also known as Crackbook.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
The Wednesday Funnies...
In light of the State of the Union address... here is something for you to use next year... Happy Wednesday Y'all!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Can I get a break?
It seems like literally everything in the last week has gone completely wrong in some form or fashion for me. With the constant divorce drama at home I don’t know which way to turn, right or wrong?
I had hoped that this divorce thing would go quickly now that we came to an agreement, but it seems as though it’s just getting worse. Now we are actually considering reconciling but to do that I’ve got to prove myself worthy… really? Either you want to be with me or not!
I really just don’t know what to do.
I love my husband completely and with all my heart. The last thing I envisioned when we got married is that eight years down the road we would be in this position. I didn’t get married to get a divorce. So I stand here begging him to reconsider and keep our family together, and he is brow beating me with a list of “done me wrongs” that I don’t have all the answers for. Yes, I screwed up… but you ain’t no Saint either honey. We both messed up and we both have to take responsibility for our actions. It almost kills me that he blames his faults all on me. I admit that I blame him for some of the things he has done wrong as well, but in all honesty… He did what he did because I didn’t do what I was supposed to do and the other way around.
What do I do?
I know that if I don’t give it a chance, if I don’t try I will always wonder “what it”, but on the other hand I don’t want to be back in the same position two or three years later down the road. I’m as confused as a bald man with a hair dryer. What am I doing? Are he and I ever going to reach a point if we reconcile that we will get to a point where we will get along? Will I ever stop having to prove myself to him? Will I stop feeling like he’s always hiding something from me? There are so many questions I have and I want the answers yesterday.
I had hoped that this divorce thing would go quickly now that we came to an agreement, but it seems as though it’s just getting worse. Now we are actually considering reconciling but to do that I’ve got to prove myself worthy… really? Either you want to be with me or not!
I really just don’t know what to do.
I love my husband completely and with all my heart. The last thing I envisioned when we got married is that eight years down the road we would be in this position. I didn’t get married to get a divorce. So I stand here begging him to reconsider and keep our family together, and he is brow beating me with a list of “done me wrongs” that I don’t have all the answers for. Yes, I screwed up… but you ain’t no Saint either honey. We both messed up and we both have to take responsibility for our actions. It almost kills me that he blames his faults all on me. I admit that I blame him for some of the things he has done wrong as well, but in all honesty… He did what he did because I didn’t do what I was supposed to do and the other way around.
What do I do?
I know that if I don’t give it a chance, if I don’t try I will always wonder “what it”, but on the other hand I don’t want to be back in the same position two or three years later down the road. I’m as confused as a bald man with a hair dryer. What am I doing? Are he and I ever going to reach a point if we reconcile that we will get to a point where we will get along? Will I ever stop having to prove myself to him? Will I stop feeling like he’s always hiding something from me? There are so many questions I have and I want the answers yesterday.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
don't get on my last nerve...
You know what really gets on my last nerve... text messages.
Yep...
If I send you a text, please take a minute of your time sometime during the day and text me back. I don't care what you have to say whether it is thanks, I'm busy, or go away... just frickin answer me. If I took five SECONDS out of my day on you the least you can do is the same for me. If you text me "Oh no" and I say "what" within seconds of your text... why can't you answer back? Seriously did you text me then throw you phone across the room and run? Because that could be the only way you didn't hear little chime when I responded.
You know what else... someone driving more than 10 MPH under the speed limit.
Yep...
I have serious road rage, and also I just got overly ticked off about my text message pet peeve so this might be bad...
Honestly if you have to drive 10 miles per hour under the speed limit on a road marked 35, don't you think you should pull over for the line of traffic that you have backed up all the way down the busiest 2 lane road in the whole city? Maybe? I don't know just a though, get off the road. Take a chance and give the Crown Victoria a little more gas grandma. I honestly had this happen today. It is so frustrating when I'm trying to get to my parents house and the only direct route is clogged up with someone breaking their neck to look at every flower on the side of the road. Not to mention the elusive foot on the brake the entire way down the hill trick. Yeah, I saw it grandma... you were trying to trick me but it didn't work this time.
And one more thing... that stupid cat that I adopted... bless his heart.
you know you can say whatever you want about anyone or anything as long as you follow it up with bless it's heart.... just saying
Said cat... named Jack... is almost a little too loving. I'm sure the silly thing sleeps all day, he must because last night he proceeded to pounce on my feet every time they moved under the cover. When he wasn't trying to catch my foot, he was in my face trying to bite me. Yes, one of the many traits about Jack that is cute but annoying at the same time, if you don't pet him when he wants to be petted, he will nibble on your chin. Crawl up in your lap, get between you and your iphone, book or whatever, and bite you on the chin. That is one good way to get swatted across the room kitty kitty. I have decided to rename Jack to "MeNow" because he is definitely a MeNow cat. Pet MeNow, Feed MeNow, Play with MeNow.
Ok, so I feel much better now that I got most of that off my chest. I have a few more things that annoy me, I know imagine that "Miss Stressy Pants has something else that annoys her". Haha! If you only knew the things that really get on my nerves. I will save it for next Thursday...
To be continued...
Yep...
If I send you a text, please take a minute of your time sometime during the day and text me back. I don't care what you have to say whether it is thanks, I'm busy, or go away... just frickin answer me. If I took five SECONDS out of my day on you the least you can do is the same for me. If you text me "Oh no" and I say "what" within seconds of your text... why can't you answer back? Seriously did you text me then throw you phone across the room and run? Because that could be the only way you didn't hear little chime when I responded.
You know what else... someone driving more than 10 MPH under the speed limit.
Yep...
I have serious road rage, and also I just got overly ticked off about my text message pet peeve so this might be bad...
Honestly if you have to drive 10 miles per hour under the speed limit on a road marked 35, don't you think you should pull over for the line of traffic that you have backed up all the way down the busiest 2 lane road in the whole city? Maybe? I don't know just a though, get off the road. Take a chance and give the Crown Victoria a little more gas grandma. I honestly had this happen today. It is so frustrating when I'm trying to get to my parents house and the only direct route is clogged up with someone breaking their neck to look at every flower on the side of the road. Not to mention the elusive foot on the brake the entire way down the hill trick. Yeah, I saw it grandma... you were trying to trick me but it didn't work this time.
And one more thing... that stupid cat that I adopted... bless his heart.
you know you can say whatever you want about anyone or anything as long as you follow it up with bless it's heart.... just saying
Said cat... named Jack... is almost a little too loving. I'm sure the silly thing sleeps all day, he must because last night he proceeded to pounce on my feet every time they moved under the cover. When he wasn't trying to catch my foot, he was in my face trying to bite me. Yes, one of the many traits about Jack that is cute but annoying at the same time, if you don't pet him when he wants to be petted, he will nibble on your chin. Crawl up in your lap, get between you and your iphone, book or whatever, and bite you on the chin. That is one good way to get swatted across the room kitty kitty. I have decided to rename Jack to "MeNow" because he is definitely a MeNow cat. Pet MeNow, Feed MeNow, Play with MeNow.
Ok, so I feel much better now that I got most of that off my chest. I have a few more things that annoy me, I know imagine that "Miss Stressy Pants has something else that annoys her". Haha! If you only knew the things that really get on my nerves. I will save it for next Thursday...
To be continued...
My new banner...
yes I know it is a little pixilated, but I'm trying to get that corrected as we speak.
However.. I want to give a big thanks to Nathan Culpepper from A Shutter In Time Photography, go to his Facebook Page and click like, then tell him I sent ya. He has some amazing photos of my hometown, don't you want to buy a print and hang it in your livingroom?
However.. I want to give a big thanks to Nathan Culpepper from A Shutter In Time Photography, go to his Facebook Page and click like, then tell him I sent ya. He has some amazing photos of my hometown, don't you want to buy a print and hang it in your livingroom?
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
strength...
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
Not much has really changed over the last few days. I've gotten more depressed, but at the same time I have finally found relief.The soon to be ex-husband and I came to an agreement we were both pleased with. I hate to say that I'm happy about it because I'm not. I'm glad that I know what direction my life is taking, but I am still not happy about it at all.
If I could I would go back in time. I would take to heart all those stupid books I bought about relationships and read them a hundred times over if I thought it would change anything. I'd never have let my emotions run hot like they did. I would have made him know without a doubt that I loved him and would never love anyone else. But I can't change that now.
I tried to stop the divorce. He thinks its because I was being greedy, but honestly I really wanted to reconcile. I just didn't know how to do it. I tried to beg, but he said my actions spoke louder than my words. Sometimes we make mistakes. It's too late now isn't it?
Now, my only concern, the well being of my precious angels. I hope that they can adjust to this. I hope they can find comfort in living in two different worlds. I will do anything I can to make them comfortable. Even if it means spending my last penny to make sure they have a happy home with everything they need.
“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.” ~ August Wilson
So as I take this new pathway in my life, I am still unsure about what I'm supposed to do or even how to do it. Said husband took care of everything for the last eight years. All I had to do was keep the house clean, go to work and buy groceries. Typical housewife stuff. I don't know how to budget money, pay bills, fix a leak. I did, however, buy my first power tool... a drill. I've used it once to hang up some really ugly curtains in the bathroom. I have a tool bag thanks to my Pop, but I'm still clueless. Thank goodness I'm renting a place because the ceiling in the bed room started to leak after a limb went through the roof. I did not have to worry about figuring out how to fix that myself. I have no idea how to do those sort of things or where to start. I feel completely overwhelmed and helpless... but at the same time I have found a peace in knowing that I can do this, I have to survive... there is no other option.
One thing that really scares me... making new friends. There were so many friends that he and I shared. I'm not sure what happened but most of them have stepped back from the situation. Like I said before... I'm not contagious. You can't catch Divorce. But I also understand that married couples don't really want to get involved, or hang out with single people that much. I think he is experiencing the same thing I am. It's understandable. I have a few that check on me from time to time, but there is starting to be more space there, a distance in their voices. I'm not the type to reach out and scream for help when I need my friends around me, but I'm about to learn how. I've got to learn to forgive myself for not holding on to my dream. I've got to find the strength to realize that I am a different person and learn to love myself again. I'm not really sure how to do it. I know that I have to get back in to church, get closer to God. I have gotten so far down, I'm not really sure what will get me back up. I know it will take one step at a time but I'm willing to put my best foot forward right now, just really scared of what I'm stepping into.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Tuesday Treats!
Joy from Confessions from a Southern Socialite tagged me in a post and I, of course, decided to follow the rules and tag others.
The Rules
1. post the rules
2. post 11 fun facts about yourself
3. answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and then create 11 new questions for the people you tag
4. tag 11 people and link them in your post
5. let them know you’ve “tagged” them
Facts about Me…
1. I will be hitting the big 35 mark this year.
2. I have lived in Mississippi my entire life with the exception of a short stint in 2001 where the city of Monroe, LA was graced with my presence for a year.
3. I have two amazing little girls ages three and six that I refer to as Thing 1 and Thing 2.
4 have found new comfort in an over sized leather chair in my new home. I think it has a magnetic attraction to my backside.
5. I am only as strong as the coffee I drink and the hairspray I use.
6. I am addicted to my iphone, I don’t think I could function a day without it.
7. I have an awesome job, one of the few people in this world that I actually love my job and what I do.
8. I am completely flat footed. One of my oldest friends calls me swamp foot. It is quite amusing since I also wear a size 9 ½ to 10 depending on the shoe.
9. I have several restaurants I love to eat at, but refuse to try anything different on the menu, so depending on what I’m in the mood to eat is which one I will go to. I rarely ever try anything new.
10. I am currently taking the KLove 30 day challenge.
11. I screwed up an permed my hair a few months ago and hated it… still growing it out, but I have started to learn to love the curls.
Questions I had to answer…
1.What was the best part of 2011 for you? Wow… I think the best part of 2011 was finally getting promoted at work. I have been at the company for 6 years now and I felt like I was really appreciated for all my hard work.
2. If you were given the choice to have a maid or chef which would you choose? Definitely a maid, I hate to clean but I love a clean house.
3. What does love mean to you? Never taking advantage of another person.
4. What's one piece of advice you can give this future wife? Be patient with him. You are about to embark on a new journey where you have to share everything with someone you love. You will have good days and bad, and on the bad days just to remember to be patient and understanding. Give him respect even if you feel like he doesn’t deserve it. It’s one of the keys to a great marriage.
5. Do you make your bed every morning? Um… no
6. Are you a couch or recliner type of person? I love my over sized chair
7. Super bowl... which do you like more... the game, the entertainment, the commercials, or the food? All of the above
8. What got you to start blogging? I needed and outlet for my pent up emotions. Sometimes I feel like I have no one to talk to and blogging helps me get it off my chest.
9. You've been given a lazy day, what do you plan to do all day? I had one of those yesterday… and I did absolutely nothing… all day.
10. Cheesecake, chocolate cake or apple pie? My mom’s homemade Cheesecake
11.And only because it never fails that someone will ask you this in life... If you could be a color, what color would you be?! =) I’d be red, the color of passion, bravery and fire. I’m not as brave as I think I am.
My question for you...
1. You can have one of the following two things: trust/love
2. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
3. Where do you like to go to have fun?
4. What is beauty?
5. Why is it called a "drive through" if you have to stop?
6. Do you have any regrets in life?
7. What is your favorite song and why?
8. If you were granted one wish what would it be?
9. If sour cream is past its expiration date is it good then?
10. Why is your definition of true happiness different from anyone else's definition of true happiness?
11. What do you expect from 2012?
Now it’s your turn...
Angel from Daughter Wife Mother... WOMAN
Jo Jo at Time for Me
Whispering Writer at Airing My Dirty Laundry, One Sock At A Time
Oilfield Trash from Make Daddy a Sammich
SherilinR at laughing my abs off
Shan at I’m Just Sayin...
Whynotgal at Whynotgal :)
Jodi at Under the Georgia Sun
Tammy at What have I Done?
The Angry Lurker at The Angry Lurker
Stephanie at Everyday Stephanie
The Rules
1. post the rules
2. post 11 fun facts about yourself
3. answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and then create 11 new questions for the people you tag
4. tag 11 people and link them in your post
5. let them know you’ve “tagged” them
Facts about Me…
1. I will be hitting the big 35 mark this year.
2. I have lived in Mississippi my entire life with the exception of a short stint in 2001 where the city of Monroe, LA was graced with my presence for a year.
3. I have two amazing little girls ages three and six that I refer to as Thing 1 and Thing 2.
4 have found new comfort in an over sized leather chair in my new home. I think it has a magnetic attraction to my backside.
5. I am only as strong as the coffee I drink and the hairspray I use.
6. I am addicted to my iphone, I don’t think I could function a day without it.
7. I have an awesome job, one of the few people in this world that I actually love my job and what I do.
8. I am completely flat footed. One of my oldest friends calls me swamp foot. It is quite amusing since I also wear a size 9 ½ to 10 depending on the shoe.
9. I have several restaurants I love to eat at, but refuse to try anything different on the menu, so depending on what I’m in the mood to eat is which one I will go to. I rarely ever try anything new.
10. I am currently taking the KLove 30 day challenge.
11. I screwed up an permed my hair a few months ago and hated it… still growing it out, but I have started to learn to love the curls.
Questions I had to answer…
1.What was the best part of 2011 for you? Wow… I think the best part of 2011 was finally getting promoted at work. I have been at the company for 6 years now and I felt like I was really appreciated for all my hard work.
2. If you were given the choice to have a maid or chef which would you choose? Definitely a maid, I hate to clean but I love a clean house.
3. What does love mean to you? Never taking advantage of another person.
4. What's one piece of advice you can give this future wife? Be patient with him. You are about to embark on a new journey where you have to share everything with someone you love. You will have good days and bad, and on the bad days just to remember to be patient and understanding. Give him respect even if you feel like he doesn’t deserve it. It’s one of the keys to a great marriage.
5. Do you make your bed every morning? Um… no
6. Are you a couch or recliner type of person? I love my over sized chair
7. Super bowl... which do you like more... the game, the entertainment, the commercials, or the food? All of the above
8. What got you to start blogging? I needed and outlet for my pent up emotions. Sometimes I feel like I have no one to talk to and blogging helps me get it off my chest.
9. You've been given a lazy day, what do you plan to do all day? I had one of those yesterday… and I did absolutely nothing… all day.
10. Cheesecake, chocolate cake or apple pie? My mom’s homemade Cheesecake
11.And only because it never fails that someone will ask you this in life... If you could be a color, what color would you be?! =) I’d be red, the color of passion, bravery and fire. I’m not as brave as I think I am.
My question for you...
1. You can have one of the following two things: trust/love
2. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
3. Where do you like to go to have fun?
4. What is beauty?
5. Why is it called a "drive through" if you have to stop?
6. Do you have any regrets in life?
7. What is your favorite song and why?
8. If you were granted one wish what would it be?
9. If sour cream is past its expiration date is it good then?
10. Why is your definition of true happiness different from anyone else's definition of true happiness?
11. What do you expect from 2012?
Now it’s your turn...
Angel from Daughter Wife Mother... WOMAN
Jo Jo at Time for Me
Whispering Writer at Airing My Dirty Laundry, One Sock At A Time
Oilfield Trash from Make Daddy a Sammich
SherilinR at laughing my abs off
Shan at I’m Just Sayin...
Whynotgal at Whynotgal :)
Jodi at Under the Georgia Sun
Tammy at What have I Done?
The Angry Lurker at The Angry Lurker
Stephanie at Everyday Stephanie
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
The Big Question
Am I doing the right thing?
I often wonder sometimes if I am doing the right thing... am I making the right choices for my family right now? Am I headed on the right path? Really... what the hell am I doing?
I have no idea!
Some days I have this feeling that I am doing the right thing, that I'm doing whats best for my kids and I, but then I have nights like last night where I sat and cried thinking... why do I feel so helpless... why can't I fix this? it's like quick sand, I just keep sinking deeper and deeper, feeling more helpless.
I have always been the person that has tried to fix every situation, to the point that I won't give up until the person gives in and gives us a chance to make up. Yes, I can be that annoying about it. I don't do well when I don't have control of the situation. It is taking time for me to learn and accept that the fate of the relationship depends on the person that cares the least.
So why can't I fix this situation... Why can't I make it all turn around and things go back the way they were? Have we just gone too far to turn back? Can I click my heels 3 times... please... there is no place like home! I know reality doesn't work like that, it's only a fairy tale. I know there is no turning back, but one can hope can't they? I have so many questions and yet there are no answers, and there will never will be.
I often wonder sometimes if I am doing the right thing... am I making the right choices for my family right now? Am I headed on the right path? Really... what the hell am I doing?
I have no idea!
Some days I have this feeling that I am doing the right thing, that I'm doing whats best for my kids and I, but then I have nights like last night where I sat and cried thinking... why do I feel so helpless... why can't I fix this? it's like quick sand, I just keep sinking deeper and deeper, feeling more helpless.
I have always been the person that has tried to fix every situation, to the point that I won't give up until the person gives in and gives us a chance to make up. Yes, I can be that annoying about it. I don't do well when I don't have control of the situation. It is taking time for me to learn and accept that the fate of the relationship depends on the person that cares the least.
So why can't I fix this situation... Why can't I make it all turn around and things go back the way they were? Have we just gone too far to turn back? Can I click my heels 3 times... please... there is no place like home! I know reality doesn't work like that, it's only a fairy tale. I know there is no turning back, but one can hope can't they? I have so many questions and yet there are no answers, and there will never will be.
Friday, January 6, 2012
A new chapter...
“A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
Funny thing about divorce... people, not all of them, but a few have treated me like I am contagious now. I really hate that. I'm still the same person, I'm just going to be a single mom now. I still laugh at stupid jokes, I still fall down when walking across flat ground, heck... I still burn toast. I'm no different than I was except I'm on my own now.
I started grief counseling this last week. She's a wonderful counselor whom I've known my whole life. She reminded me that I am a beautiful person inside and out. She told me it was ok to be scare, but at the same time to look for the positive in my every day travels. I'm doing just that. I know there isn't anything very positive about a family breaking up, but in the end our kids won't have to grow up and learn the same characteristics that the soon to be ex husband and I have learned. They won't have to hear the fighting and arguing anymore... and that is a positive to this tragedy. I learned that its ok to be frightened about paying bills on my own. It will be ok if I don't get everything perfect. I am my own person, and my life will be what I make it. It's my choice now, not anyone else. I decide my destiny.
I miss my friends... one who I wish I could talk to right now about all of this. Maybe they will read it, maybe not. Between the loss of a few friendships, and now the loss of my marriage I sometimes feel hopeless and alone, but I know I'm not. I just have to reach out and take a chance. So that is what I am doing. I'm taking a chance on me, on being happy. For once in my life I am going to be at peace. I'm going to be satisfied with what I have. I am going to be happy. Thats right... happy. Positive thoughts... right?
Funny thing about divorce... people, not all of them, but a few have treated me like I am contagious now. I really hate that. I'm still the same person, I'm just going to be a single mom now. I still laugh at stupid jokes, I still fall down when walking across flat ground, heck... I still burn toast. I'm no different than I was except I'm on my own now.
I started grief counseling this last week. She's a wonderful counselor whom I've known my whole life. She reminded me that I am a beautiful person inside and out. She told me it was ok to be scare, but at the same time to look for the positive in my every day travels. I'm doing just that. I know there isn't anything very positive about a family breaking up, but in the end our kids won't have to grow up and learn the same characteristics that the soon to be ex husband and I have learned. They won't have to hear the fighting and arguing anymore... and that is a positive to this tragedy. I learned that its ok to be frightened about paying bills on my own. It will be ok if I don't get everything perfect. I am my own person, and my life will be what I make it. It's my choice now, not anyone else. I decide my destiny.
I miss my friends... one who I wish I could talk to right now about all of this. Maybe they will read it, maybe not. Between the loss of a few friendships, and now the loss of my marriage I sometimes feel hopeless and alone, but I know I'm not. I just have to reach out and take a chance. So that is what I am doing. I'm taking a chance on me, on being happy. For once in my life I am going to be at peace. I'm going to be satisfied with what I have. I am going to be happy. Thats right... happy. Positive thoughts... right?
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