The Wednesday Funnies

I love sharing funny emails... here are a few jokes sent over by my friends the Bradley's. Check out my friend Angel's blog... she is a new blogger over at Daughter, Wife, Mother, Woman. Check her out.

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LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk ? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl,who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger,"What would you want to talk about ?"

"Oh,I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no GOD , or no Heaven or Hell , or no life after death ?" as he smiled smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass . Yet a deer excretes little pellets ,while a cow turns out a flat patty ,but a horse produces clumps . Why do you suppose that is ?"

The atheist,visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence,thinks about it and says,"Hmmm,I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies,"Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no GOD ,or no Heaven or Hell ,or no life after death ,when you don't know shit ?"

And then she went back to reading her book.

The End

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Southern Police

Those Southerners have a way with words! These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O. K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

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