Monday, February 1, 2016

Day 1: something I hate about myself

Honestly... I hate the fact that I am riddled with constant fear. 

I afraid of the dark, water, flying insects, falling, I'm claustrophobic, I'm afraid of my temper, my anxiety... the list goes on. 

The worst one that I've never admitted... I'm afraid to be alone. Not in the sense not having someone in my life.  I am literally afraid of staying alone.  I'm ok if my kids are here or asleep. I can sit up at night and watch tv by myself. I'm afraid to go places or be somewhere and not know someone.  I think that cell phones have helped me with that some because I know I can get in touch with someone immediately. I go places by myself. Not often.  I went to the movies recently and I was petrified to go and nearly had a panic attack. I think the hubby senses that it's unsettling.  Traveling to and from work doesn't bother me because I have a destination and it's a short trip.  However I just can't go somewhere like out of town by myself. It's horrifying.  So much that the thought of going on a work trip sends me spiraling.  What if something happens? It's the unknown that scares me the most.  

Yes it's an awful feeling to be afraid all of the time... I'm sure there are worse things that could happen. 

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