I've been debating writing for a while, thought about it a lot today. It's been several months since I've written. It seems like there is a lead block between my brain and my hands. So many things I want to say, but I just don't know how to say it. Does that make sense?
Today marks 1 year since he and I have gotten remarried. Life is back to normal and usual. I no longer have the Maxima I desperately had to have. In place I finally got my horses. They are old souls. Still trying to connect with them. They love the girls, me not so much. They only love me when I'm feeding them.
#1 and #2 are barrel racing and playing fast pitch softball. They don't know that they will start gymnastics in January.
That's all the info you get on that....
Stay tuned.... hopefully I will be back online soon and tell you more. Maybe I can get the lead off me and tell my stories again. It's been hard, real hard. When you don't feel like you can ever do your best it makes your entire world eventually shut down. I don't talk to anymore anymore really and I'm okay with that. Less drama. I'm addicted to pinterest. Still trying to find a game to play on the computer. No luck. So far the only thing I've found that helps me feel better is painting. It's very therapeutic. I just don't feel like anything I paint is ever finished.
Nothing is ever complete....
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
Sunday, March 27, 2016
Reality
So I didn't do the 30 days of blogging. I started off good but reality checked back in. Life never stops. It keeps moving forward. We can stop and smell the roses all we want, but in all reality... you can't.
Thursday, February 4, 2016
Day 4: something I have to forgive someone for
I forgive you for walking away from our friendship when I needed you the most. I'm still angry about your selfishness. But I still forgive you. Because I'm the bigger person.
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
Day 2: Something I love about myself
What do I love?
It's also one of the things I hate as well. Not sure how that is possible but it is.
I love my giving nature. I love the fact that no matter how many times I have been hurt, how many times someone has stomped on my feelings... I always forgive, I always say I'm sorry first. I'll always move past it. I say that I have some hatred towards some people, but honestly.... if the were to call today, I'd still be there.
I won't turn my back on someone. Some people think I have before but I didn't. I was still there. I just wanted to know before I made my decision about how I felt about things. You could call me today and tell me you needed $20, if I have it, you can have it. Even if it is my last. I've been burnt by doing that, but in all honestly... I'd do it again without a thought.
I want people to be happy. It makes me happy to see that I helped bring joy or even relief to someone. I may not be able to give something to everyone, but if I can give them a piece of me... that's good enough.
It's also one of the things I hate as well. Not sure how that is possible but it is.
I love my giving nature. I love the fact that no matter how many times I have been hurt, how many times someone has stomped on my feelings... I always forgive, I always say I'm sorry first. I'll always move past it. I say that I have some hatred towards some people, but honestly.... if the were to call today, I'd still be there.
I won't turn my back on someone. Some people think I have before but I didn't. I was still there. I just wanted to know before I made my decision about how I felt about things. You could call me today and tell me you needed $20, if I have it, you can have it. Even if it is my last. I've been burnt by doing that, but in all honestly... I'd do it again without a thought.
I want people to be happy. It makes me happy to see that I helped bring joy or even relief to someone. I may not be able to give something to everyone, but if I can give them a piece of me... that's good enough.
Monday, February 1, 2016
Day 1: something I hate about myself
Honestly... I hate the fact that I am riddled with constant fear.
I afraid of the dark, water, flying insects, falling, I'm claustrophobic, I'm afraid of my temper, my anxiety... the list goes on.
The worst one that I've never admitted... I'm afraid to be alone. Not in the sense not having someone in my life. I am literally afraid of staying alone. I'm ok if my kids are here or asleep. I can sit up at night and watch tv by myself. I'm afraid to go places or be somewhere and not know someone. I think that cell phones have helped me with that some because I know I can get in touch with someone immediately. I go places by myself. Not often. I went to the movies recently and I was petrified to go and nearly had a panic attack. I think the hubby senses that it's unsettling. Traveling to and from work doesn't bother me because I have a destination and it's a short trip. However I just can't go somewhere like out of town by myself. It's horrifying. So much that the thought of going on a work trip sends me spiraling. What if something happens? It's the unknown that scares me the most.
Yes it's an awful feeling to be afraid all of the time... I'm sure there are worse things that could happen.
Sunday, January 31, 2016
It's been a minute
I guess that I lost my need to write? My passion? I really don't know. Whatever it is, I believe it has started to come back.
Things have finally started to settle down in my life. Ex hubby and I recently got remarried. Yes... we got remarried on our original anniversary. Small ceremony after church with Thing 1 and Thing 2, the Preacher, and one of my close friends. We had been back and forth, off and on, ever since we divorced. Finally it just made sense. There is nothing out there more important than your family and your children.
The lessons I learned out in the great big world are so valuable.
You really can't trust many people, when you find ones you can trust... hold them close. I have very few people that have a front row seat to my life now. Doing that alone has made things so much more simple. My best friend is in another state now, which is fine, but I miss seeing him. Just makes our phone conversations and stupid text messages even more special. I have other friends in my life, but not as close as he is. I've kept him around almost 20 years. I had a few friends that I thought I was close to while the hubs and I were split up. Just remember, if someone isn't happy for your happiness.... it's time to let them go.
My husband has my best interest at heart. He honestly loves me and will do anything he can to make me happy. Just this afternoon we danced in the living room listening to Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong singing Cheek to Cheek. We've made it a point to have what we call "porch sessions" periodically where all we do is listen to music, drink a cold beer or two and dance. Of course this happens once the kids are in bed but there are times we enjoy our little ritual while they play in the yard.
My girls and I have taken up painting and horseback riding. I'm not as good on a horse as they are but Thing 1 will start competing in rodeos soon. I'm very excited for them. They have an awesome coach that cares for them like his own. That means a lot to me. We've painted a few canvass as well. A couple in art class and a few on our own at home. I have so many ideas in my head it is about to explode.
Life seems to moving right along. I finally accepted my age (not really), actually I'm starting to feel it. I don't like it. Ibuprofen and Tramadol have become two of my best friends. I finally have a career I love. It was hard making the change, but I got my foot in the door to a field that I've always been interested in. Things are looking good, and I'm loving every stressful minute of it. I can wear jeans every day too.
Life continues on for everyone. You can't stop and cry over the spilled milk. Keep moving forward but be patient. Things change daily, you have to watch for the signs. They'll tell you the direction you need to go. Pay attention with your heart, don't live with regret.
In honor of returning to the blogging world, I'm going to do my best to revisit the 30 Days of Truth. A task I set myself on back in 2011 and quit somewhere around day 9 haha! Here is the list...
Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like badly.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
Love, Rosie
Things have finally started to settle down in my life. Ex hubby and I recently got remarried. Yes... we got remarried on our original anniversary. Small ceremony after church with Thing 1 and Thing 2, the Preacher, and one of my close friends. We had been back and forth, off and on, ever since we divorced. Finally it just made sense. There is nothing out there more important than your family and your children.
The lessons I learned out in the great big world are so valuable.
You really can't trust many people, when you find ones you can trust... hold them close. I have very few people that have a front row seat to my life now. Doing that alone has made things so much more simple. My best friend is in another state now, which is fine, but I miss seeing him. Just makes our phone conversations and stupid text messages even more special. I have other friends in my life, but not as close as he is. I've kept him around almost 20 years. I had a few friends that I thought I was close to while the hubs and I were split up. Just remember, if someone isn't happy for your happiness.... it's time to let them go.
My husband has my best interest at heart. He honestly loves me and will do anything he can to make me happy. Just this afternoon we danced in the living room listening to Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong singing Cheek to Cheek. We've made it a point to have what we call "porch sessions" periodically where all we do is listen to music, drink a cold beer or two and dance. Of course this happens once the kids are in bed but there are times we enjoy our little ritual while they play in the yard.
My girls and I have taken up painting and horseback riding. I'm not as good on a horse as they are but Thing 1 will start competing in rodeos soon. I'm very excited for them. They have an awesome coach that cares for them like his own. That means a lot to me. We've painted a few canvass as well. A couple in art class and a few on our own at home. I have so many ideas in my head it is about to explode.
Life seems to moving right along. I finally accepted my age (not really), actually I'm starting to feel it. I don't like it. Ibuprofen and Tramadol have become two of my best friends. I finally have a career I love. It was hard making the change, but I got my foot in the door to a field that I've always been interested in. Things are looking good, and I'm loving every stressful minute of it. I can wear jeans every day too.
Life continues on for everyone. You can't stop and cry over the spilled milk. Keep moving forward but be patient. Things change daily, you have to watch for the signs. They'll tell you the direction you need to go. Pay attention with your heart, don't live with regret.
In honor of returning to the blogging world, I'm going to do my best to revisit the 30 Days of Truth. A task I set myself on back in 2011 and quit somewhere around day 9 haha! Here is the list...
Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like badly.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
Love, Rosie
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