moving right along...

 It’s been almost a year since I started the journey. I really don’t know what to think about it sometimes. It doesn't really register in my mind what has actually transpired, it all feels like a dream. The things I have seen and emotions felt scare me. 

I learned so much about people and those that I thought were my friends. It really is sad just how selfish some can be. I won’t be rude and call out names on here, that will solve nothing short of hurt feelings. I’m not about causing someone pain. I've done it before and all I did was create more grief for myself in the end. I have people who are mad or disgruntled with me because I filed for the divorce, people who are mad because I did what I thought I needed to do, because I was selfish. There are others out there that got mad and laid blame on me for failed friendships, I didn't do anything… I just refuse to be told what I can and can’t do, who I can and can’t talk to, etc. I also learned that men and women can’t have close friendships without someone having “feelings” or getting hurt.  Selfish people.  Men don’t think and women can be just as bad. This woman talks to that woman, she doesn't like you because you dated her baby sister’s best friend’s ex-boyfriend 10 years ago… or you are friends with that girl and they don’t like her for no good reason... Really? I am 35 years old and I have never in my life seen such childish shenanigans, even in High School it wasn't this bad. I will admit I have played the main role in some of the drama in my life, that is my demon to deal with... but some of the things that I witnessed beats all.

I blame it all on social media… people are too meddlesome and thrive on public drama. It breeds hatred. I have heard it said “you hate what you fear the most”. I almost refuse to post a picture of myself with anyone other than my kids or the ex-husband, and that even scares me sometimes, simply for the fact that I will get 21 questions before the day is out… Oh are you friends with that girl? Are you and that guy seeing each other? I can’t begin to tell you how many times I was asked if I was seeing someone just because I posted “have a nice day” on their Facebook timeline. And it wasn't even by the person being nosy… this one asked that one, who asked that one, who brought it up to me. Oh and be careful who you tell your secrets to… just a thought. This is the south, women love to gossip. If you aren't the topic of conversation today, you will be tomorrow when she tells everyone what she heard you did… truth or not.

I have removed a number of people from my life in the last year, but on the other hand I gained a few as well as renewed old friendships. I am thankful for the relationships I've had, it has taught me what I do and what I don’t want in my life. What I don’t want… friends that only have time for me when it is convenient for them. I have a bad habit of sending a text or calling someone if I haven’t heard from them in a while just to say hi, but now… If you are not willing to make the effort to start the conversation from time to time, why should I? Not that I love you any less, you just don’t have time so I won’t waste any of it. I don’t want anyone to try and tell me who I can and can’t be friends with. I like that person, I think they are nice… sorry if you don’t like them, I just won’t make plans with you and them at the same time. No one has a right to tell you who your friends can and can’t be. For that one reason right there… I lost a friend that I’ve had since I was 18 years old. I hate it, but on the other hand, it’s my life. Lastly… I don’t want anyone in my life that I don’t feel like I can trust. I've been hurt pretty bad, my trust and faith in some people has been broken. When I tell you I’m your friend and I give you a piece of my heart, be careful with it. One of my biggest flaws is I see the good in everyone. I trust too easily. I learned this year that people are not who they say they are and most people don’t have your best interest at heart. I think that is the one thing that bothers me the most.  It literally hurts in my chest to know that there are some people that could care less that they hurt other people. I’m not saying “don’t break my heart”, I know that will happen from time to time… just when you do, when you decide to let me down, be considerate and be honest. I’d rather be hurt with the truth than comforted with lies. 

It is a cruel world out there. It’s scary, full of hatred and greed…  I just don’t understand why the world is like that. Too many people are not satisfied with what they have. Their life isn't perfect so they will do what they can to make others miserable. I’m happy and I love life. I love the people around me and I genuinely believe that everyone has a good heart, but no matter what you do or how much you try to make everyone happy, you just can’t... All you can do is let your light shine and pray that someone sees it. This world will never be a perfect place, there will always be someone that will try to throw rocks at you. Learn to hold your head high and smile… even if you’re breaking on the inside. I truly believe that if you live it, you will learn it, then you will be it...