Today....

I've been debating writing for a while, thought about it a lot today. It's been several months since I've written. It seems like there is a lead block between my brain and my hands. So many things I want to say, but I just don't know how to say it. Does that make sense?

Today marks 1 year since he and I have gotten remarried. Life is back to normal and usual. I no longer have the Maxima I desperately had to have. In place I finally got my horses. They are old souls. Still trying to connect with them. They love the girls, me not so much. They only love me when I'm feeding them.

#1 and #2 are barrel racing and playing fast pitch softball. They don't know that they will start gymnastics in January.

That's all the info you get on that....

Stay tuned.... hopefully I will be back online soon and tell you more. Maybe I can get the lead off me and tell my stories again. It's been hard, real hard. When you don't feel like you can ever do your best it makes your entire world eventually shut down. I don't talk to anymore anymore really and I'm okay with that. Less drama. I'm addicted to pinterest. Still trying to find a game to play on the computer. No luck. So far the only thing I've found that helps me feel better is painting. It's very therapeutic. I just don't feel like anything I paint is ever finished.

Nothing is ever complete....

Reality

So I didn't do the 30 days of blogging. I started off good but reality checked back in. Life never stops. It keeps moving forward. We can stop and smell the roses all we want, but in all reality... you can't.  

Day 4: something I have to forgive someone for

I forgive you for walking away from our friendship when I needed you the most. I'm still angry about your selfishness. But I still forgive you.  Because I'm the bigger person.  

Day 3: something I have to forgive myself for

Not saying I'm sorry soon enough

Day 2: Something I love about myself

What do I love?

It's also one of the things I hate as well. Not sure how that is possible but it is.

I love my giving nature. I love the fact that no matter how many times I have been hurt, how many times someone has stomped on my feelings... I always forgive, I always say I'm sorry first. I'll always move past it. I say that I have some hatred towards some people, but honestly.... if the were to call today, I'd still be there.

I won't turn my back on someone. Some people think I have before but I didn't. I was still there. I just wanted to know before I made my decision about how I felt about things. You could call me today and tell me you needed $20, if I have it, you can have it. Even if it is my last. I've been burnt by doing that, but in all honestly... I'd do it again without a thought.

I want people to be happy. It makes me happy to see that I helped bring joy or even relief to someone. I may not be able to give something to everyone, but if I can give them a piece of me... that's good enough.